Haha Rogue Shadow….

Rogue Shadow… My dad made me believe in god for so many years. I only wanted to make him proud, then I got bullied and saw the truth, I ended up hating it so much. I tried my best to stop listening. I rebelled, and he beat me for it. He decided to take full force on me to get me to listen. Then, after a month, he broke. He gave up trying to make me something I didn’t want. He gave up on me in a way. Over these few days, I learned that there’s still a such thing as a conciounce and I decided to make it Rogue Shadow. All he is is an alter ego, smart, cunning, feared, infamous, heroic, and otherwise amazing. That was my image of him. All he was was the part of me, the leader, the wise one, the smart one before choking out. He’s my conscience and I talk to him. Or at least I try to. It only works in dire situations, where I’m upset or something. 2 nights ago, I sent a pic message with a pic of myself and my conversation with Rogue Shadow. It was stupid of me to write it. Sometimes I wish I was insane. I wanna break already. I am tired of talking to people already, I can almost always predict what they will say. It’s probably because I want to feel pity that i keep going at it.

Sorry, if you notice it’s like not formatted, just a bunch of sentences in different paragraphs.

I decided a while ago to take action, take chances, even though I still don’t. I want to keep it in my head. It reminds me to go for it sometimes, maybe it will backfire on me and caus me to take the chance of suicide… Probably not, but I /wish/ it would. I know Rogue Shadow ain’t real, but I want to brainwash myself into believing he is. I try so hard to brainwash myself. My mind may go blank at times and I babble on about crap, but that’s what I get for choking out. I want Rogue Shadow to be there. I don’t want to be alone, even if my view of him is the Christian version of the devil, a manipulative, serpent-like, cold-blooded killer. I always wanted to be a coldblooded assassin. It would be fun to have weapons. I love guns, I was watching videos a while ago and started dosing off and began hearing things. First, it was a gun firing, then explosion, neighbor talking, and other noises, one called my name jk. I think that last part was me wishing it was. Right now I’m the observational and cunning Rogue Shadow. I’m able to think logically and so it keeps me sane, but if something were to eliminate /me/, then would I stay sane??? Im trying to figure out what my friends would say. Let’s see, they wouldnt answer my question and instead say,” Wow… Sometimes I think like that too. Just know that even though you think you need to do things alone (dosing off again)… Just know that even though you think you need to do things alone, I’m here for you. I like what you wrote, your observations are interesting. And I care about you…

Yeah, probably, what about you? “Never there, you’re never there, never there, youre never, ever, ever , ever, ever there”. Song stuck in my head sorry. Also, a quite that was always my favorite…

“Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.” -Doug Stanhope…

Also for all you pussies that give up and whine about it (like me)… Shut up Nathan, Rogue Shadow is talking… Read this quote…

“…Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling…People who keep stiff upper lips find that it’s damn hard to smile.” -Judith Guest.

“Rogue Shadow has reduction of feeling, cold-blooded and a killer suits him, a whined like Nathan, yeah thats called being a coward. And then suicide, get off the damn computer, and do something about it. Quit whining, back 15- whatever years people didn’t believe in depression and all those psycological defects. Go to war and tell me about your night terrors. Some of you went to war, good job, but I wouldn’t know about night terrors, I’m just an observational teenager, age 16, who wants to make sure no more lives were lost because you’re cowards. Stand up and fight, there’s a war coming soon, we need brothers and sisters to fight together in it, it may be world war 3, it may be a revolution against the government or both, but theres for sure, something big is coming, now lend me your ears and when the time comes, fight against them… And not against yourselves…” -Rogue Shadow

Sorry bout that, I don’t even know if that speech is cunning, but I always wanted to lead a revolution, become a militant leader. I play COD zombies, I’m always barking orders like a drill sergeant, it’s like imagine for me. That’s what I want to be when I grow up, a leader and if not that, a killer, as in assassin, hitman, soldier, or leader…