I am dying inside and soon outside

So I want to kill myself. I mean really kill myself not some half hearted attempt or something on impulse. I am tired of life tired of dealing with roller coaster they call bipolar..and I am tired of myself. My bottles are ready for me to take, I just have to plan on when….I think maybe by the weeks end….I need to put a little money together so my ex can get a house to have our daughter in, he doesnt have one right now….make sure my boyfriend will be ok. I know that I should be happy but I can never be happy my brain dwells on the darkness of life and all the bad things that ever happened to me….so I am getting rid of all these thoughts by the only way that will stop them forever….I dont want to hurt my family but I am barely noticeable anyways..