whining

even i think im whining. my car is standing on the street since last autumn. when i got robbed in march i decided to move, so i packed everything and tried to start the car. its not working, of course, you cant leave a car for six month and not service it regularly. so, here we are. two months have passed and that crap is still parking somewhere at the other side of the city. i should call a repairman but im so afraid of it. whenever i took it to a garage they charged big bucks, no matter what the problem was. i started to fear the little blue  thing, listened to every sound from the engine and stuff and cracked up every month because i thought i heard something that was not there before. and now there is a real problem and i just cant take the initiative and take care of it. i just cannot do it, like i cannot check the website of my college, pay the fine of public transport i got last november or open a bag of my old clothes i shoudl take to the dry-cleaner. i hid them instead. the car miles away, the clothes in the closet, the recipes in the cupboard burried under countless bags of plastic cups. i not dare to face these things so much i thinking of commiting suicide instead. god im whacked.