i used to listen to some spiritual teaching a few years back, dont really remember anything of it anymore but one thought tends to come back to me from time to time and i made it into my little, fraked up, non existent love-life’s philosophy. it goes something like this.
you cant love somebody else until you learn to love yourself because without appreciating your own values and beauty how could you believe that somebody else would love you for those same qualities? loving somebody else without loving yourself is practicly just clinging, a supplementary to our own, missing positivity, grabbing somebody in the hope […]
etiggy
I felt the dark shadows closing on me the whole last winter. I knew what they were, the really-really black ones, the ones you cannot see but once they arrive you will always feel their presence everywhere, all the time, behind the curtains, in the unlit stairway or in the depths of the socks drawer. Met them twice before. How poetic of me.
So, I figured, if I gonna try to kill myself again why not look around before a bit? Anyways, I can commit suicide anywhere! Why not travel until then? Besides, maybe the whole relocation stuff gonna chase away the fraking shades. So […]
even i think im whining. my car is standing on the street since last autumn. when i got robbed in march i decided to move, so i packed everything and tried to start the car. its not working, of course, you cant leave a car for six month and not service it regularly. so, here we are. two months have passed and that crap is still parking somewhere at the other side of the city. i should call a repairman but im so afraid of it. whenever i took it to a garage they charged big bucks, no matter what the problem was. i started […]
hi, im new. well, here at least. not to the situation.
it started when i was a child. my mother used to have a joke that half of our family is addicted to alcohol, the other half is suicidal. well, it seems i got the best of both worlds: i started to drink at 19 and tried to overdose myself with sedative pills a few moths later. cannot went through with it back then, i throwed up most if it half hour later.
a few years passed with heavy drinking an no more attempts – good times those were. i thought im over it, it […]