I am sorry that I didn’t tell you “I love you” more. I am sorry that I didn’t push you into conversations about how I could help fix us so that we could have understanding of each other to create a happy life. I wish I hadnt beleived that “He will out grow it” advice from family and freinds. I wish you had trusted that you could come to me and tell me something was bothering you, but it was my fault because our relationship was so in turmoil and I couldnt fix it. Daniel I wish I could bring you back so I could just see you again, talk to you or even spend a day… God I miss you Daniel.
I Cant even imagine how I am going to survive the rest of my life with out you Son. You have been gone for 7 months yet the pain seems to continually get worse, most days I can’t even get out of bed. My guilt is killing me as I constantly ask myself why? and How could I have prevented it? Every night I go to bed intoxicated with sleeping pills thinking about you, and every morning I wake up thinking of you. I freak out when I think that I will never see what you look like as you grow older. I will never be able to lean on you when my life has hit me hard and I’ll never be able to say “Its you and me Daniel” I thought you would always be here.
I visit your urn in your bedroom almost every day. Some days I don’t go into your room because as I pass your door I can almost pretend that you are in there playing on your computer and that none of this really happened. I have pictures on my mirror of you. I honor your memory every day and will for the rest of my life. I love you Daniel then, now, and forever. XO
1 comment
It’s not your fault, honey. Life is hard, and when those dips downward hit us, especially concerning grief, we want to go back and change things, and we think, “If only I had done this instead of that,” and so forth. But it’s not your fault, nothing you did caused his death, and most of all, you need to forgive yourself. It’s incredibly hard, I have been trying to forgive myself for something for a long while, but you can do it. Let’s work on it together, shall we? And Daniel would want you to forgive yourself. He would want you to live out your life, and live for him, too. Take care, honey, it’s not your fault. Be safe ♥♥