I need some advice. I am a 17 year old girl attending high school and my grad year is next year. My life should be amazing, I have been ranked top in my class for the last 5 years, have won numerous awards, play for several sports teams, tutor, part of student government etc etc. But it’s not.
Everyone thinks my life is perfect, but I am dying inside and I don’t know where to turn to. You see, when I was 12, I was looking for my camera in my mom’s room when I came across a box. Of course, being curious, I opened it and found much more than I could expect. Newspaper clippings about my dad being arrested, diary entries about my dad being depressed and a alcoholic, leaving our family in the middle of the night, emails from 16 year old girls saying they had had sex with him. How could this happen? Our family was perfect : Mom, Dad, me and 2 siblings. They don’t know I know..
Then it went downhill, my uncle was killed, my grandmother and grandfather were diagnosed with cancer. We’ve filed for bankruptcy, Dad’s in the hospital for health problems, Mom lost her job, my best friends have been telling to me to die and burning pictures of me. But hey, as long as I smile at school, I am perfect. Nothing is wrong with me.
Then I met a boy, 2 years older. He protected me and was loving and everything I wanted. But like most teen boys, he wanted sex and eventually used me and left me. I am broken.
I really need someone to talk to. Someone to tell me it’ll be okay because I don’t know how long I will be able to hold on.
4 comments
You should at least hold on until you graduate high school and can go to college. For me, my first years of college were bliss compared to high school. I ended up getting depressed all over again and dropping out, but that doesn’t need to be your fate.
It does sound like all the the stuff you’re going through will get better eventually. The triggers for your depression are all rooted in your current situation, and the longer you keep going the more perspective you’ll end up having. With all you say of yourself, and how you’re able to maintain a high amount of activity and good grades, I’d say you’ve got the strength to continue. Even if you have to force yourself to go on, the mere act of doing things that take your mind off your current situation even for a moment might help. I think one of the reasons I never had a depression-free week in high school (aside from an extremely abusive household) was the fact that I withdrew from things that might have otherwise kept me grounded.
Be strong and keep going.
You are going to be fine, and I am going to tell you why.
One: Yeah, your dad did some stupid things. Everybody makes mistakes. Some are bigger than others. From what it sounds like, he had some problems of his own and really struggled for a way to deal with them. When you wake up every morning regretting that you’re conscious and sober, you can do some pretty desperate things just to make you feel like you’re alive again. Speaking from firsthand experience there.
Two: Cancer treatment isn’t gentle, especially not for the elderly. My own grandfather died of liver cancer about fifteen years ago. Now my grandmother is wasting away in hospice with an inoperable brain tumor. Try to remember the good times you shared with them instead of focusing on negative things.
Three: Two of my best friends have parents who have lost their jobs, and at points in their career where they didn’t think they’d be able to find employment. Now both of them are working again. It may take a while, but I’m sure your mom will be able to find a new job if she’s determined.
Four: People who tell you to die aren’t your friends. Trust me, it’s in tough times like these that people show their true character and you find out who your real friends are. I had to do a lot of dumb things and go through a lot of hardship before I figured out who really had my back.
Five: Finding out that someone who you thought loved you was just using you is hard. Once upon a time, I knew a girl whom I considered to be a pretty good friend. We knew each other for five years before we started dating. Now, I’m the kind of person that most women don’t talk to unless they need homework help or something heavy lifted. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world. It lasted about six months before I figured out that she was only with me for money and sex.
Just focus on taking life one step at a time for right now. Try to keep your goals small, short-term and achievable. When you feel like shit, even being able to get out of bed, take a shower and put on some clean clothes is a huge victory.
The trick is just to keep breathing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You might feel like you’ve fallen now, but I’m sure you’ll be back up and running soon. You’re going to be okay.
I can’t say that I know how you feel. Bcuz I don’t, I’m not you. And I don’t have the exact same problem. But I went through something similar. I turned 15 this april. I fell for my bestfriends older brother, last year late january, early febuary. He was 19 at the time. He turned 21 this june. I was always the good kid, my friend was the bad girl type. But I’m draging on the story. But what I wanna say is, my friend left me alone with him to many times to have her own love affairs with her bf. So her brother was my first everything. When I finally gave in and went all the way, he ‘left’. He didn’t want anything to do with me. Neither did my best friend.
That’s not the entire story, by far. But I don’t know. I guess leaving all this on your story is kinda dumb but its been really hard the last few weeks because he’s trying to get back with me. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I can do. I’m absolutly lost. And I’m really sorry if my boringly long story bugs you. Just really needed to say all that. And plus I’m on my phone, and this is the first time I’ve ever been on here. Like I said sorry.
Your gonna make it kid!