Saturday

I was playing video games and my cousin comes by telling me that if I wanted to go to the mall. I not wanting to just stay home every day I went with him and his gf n baby. He’s 2 years older. The best part was after we came home and played video games. He said,” Hey, Nathan, wanna blaze it again?” I of course said yeah. We got an apple and smoked about 4 bowls before I got really high. I love it cuz it makes me talk a lot more but I can’t think straight. Hard to focus, no coordination. Stupidity caused me to feel happy again. It’s amazing. Wish to get high again, until then I shall attempt to survive. To see Jamie and all those other wonderful girls I made feel special, but I wish there was Nycolle so I can make her feel special. Blocking me fuck. I need to blaze some more. Music ain’t calming my nerves. Good antidepressants but pills are more legal than smoking marijuana. I couldn’t feel my heartbeat even though I was excited. Took me a full hour 23 minutes to lose the high and come home. Waited outside until I lost the high. It was funny I went straight to bed. I wanted to try to play call of duty and kick ass while high. But I didn’t want to risk getting caught. Before I even tried my mom was suspicious if my activities with my cousin. Wish I could get hooked up with a stash of weed. *sigh* whatever, I guess I shall spend another lonely night texting someone who may never meet me or talk to Rogue Shadow or listen to music to block out Rogue Shadow. Rogue is a lie, just a figment of my imagination. I keep wishing I could talk to him but I lose the brainwashed state of mind.