suicide countdown, 1-2 hour(s)

I’m not gonna tell you what i’ma do or my plan or anything, at least not in this post, maybe in my last post in an hour or a couple hours.

but i will tell you that i’m done living like this, i’ve tried for long enough now, i chickened out when i was gonna commit suicide exactly 3 weeks ago, i was too stoned so i got creeped out when i got to the place.

anyway, i’m gonna finish this episode of Ghost Hunters International, then i’ll watch some king of queens and everybody loves raymond. friends and that ’70s show if my plan gets delayed

i’ll write a short story about myself

i was bullied in school and got beat up and i was often chased home after school. i’ve almost been killed 3-5 times where i live. dad didn’t want me, he’s an alcoholic and mum kicked him out the house when i was 8 months. my mum threatens me and kicks me out the house, saying she doesn’t wanna see me again and that i’m just like my father, which i’m not. we always yell at each other and argue, although i’ve tried to make it better by talking to her normally which seemed to help quite a bit, we do talk normally from time to time, but yeah, anyway, i have some mental issues which i will list after this little story. i don’t have any friends, they all left me ’cause of my mental issues and dysfunctional family. i honestly don’t mind not having any irl friends, ’cause i mean, i like hanging out with myself, i know what i like to do, i don’t have to argue about what we should do and all that. i took care of myself since i was quite young, maybe 12-ish, i’m 17 now, so i’m still young. i dropped out of high school ’cause of social anxiety and dysfunctional family and bullying. i used to have to steal jewellery and stuff to afford a meal, i still have to but i don’t. i love playing guitar, i also play the piano and harmonica but mainly guitar. i love music, it’s my passion but my lost of will to live made me kinda stop listening to it as much as i used to, and playing it too. music is really the only thing that gets my mind off suicide and everything, i just love it y’know.

animals and nature fascinate me, i hate people. old people like shakespeare fascinate me as well. anyway …

here’s the list, and it’s not to make me look cool ’cause i have some issues, it’s to make it less confusing, so yeah here it goes:

manic depression, major ocd, major emetophobe, anger issues (i kinda black out when i get pissed off), social anxiety, sleeping problems and mood swings.

no major issues i guess, but they’re enough to make me suicidal.

Just to make things clear, this is not a sob story to make people say good things about me, it’s just a short story about how i grew up and stuff, so please don’t get the wrong idea.

peace

Edit: i will be posting one last post before i go.

oh and feel free to ask anything you want, ’cause i may have been quite unclear about some stuff. or if you’re just curious, just ask whatever’s on your mind