My mum just scolded me yesterday for being so depressed over my skin conditions, she said I was hurting her, she wished that I can be happy like before, I was about to tell her, I wasn’t happy in the past but was acting “happy” but I ended up saying nothing. Because I knew no matter what, she won’t understand how I feels, how I feels to be inferior for years, how I yearn to be pretty for at least 1 day, how I am lost in my life’s direction. I have no self esteem, I have nightmares, I cried, I am fully depressed, I blame god, I hate myself. Incurable skin problems, forever I will be stuck in this shit forever, how am I going to face people, going to colour my life when I don’t even have the courage to face people. She won’t understands and she is the reason why I am holding on so long. But I no longer can, I am hurting myself now and I dont know when am I ending this terrible life my own. They said ppl who committed suicide will suffer in their afterlife, fuck off god, u are just a devil to me, you gave these pathetic souls pathetic life and some are stuck in it forever and yet u wanna to punish us for ending this endless misery our own what the fuck. People told me you are fair, god damm, I walk out in the bloody street and there are at least 9 out of 10 girls better than me, damm I can’t even enjoyed a day with good skin since born. And what’s the fuck about the additional problems u have given to me besides my skin. I am going to kill myself and u r the murderer!
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3 comments
Like what u wrote. God need to live our lives once. He won’t be such a smartass after that. Perhaps he will do even worse than us. He need to open his eyes and look at us. We are dying inside. What’s the point of dragging this body day after day when our spirits are gone?
You are right! There is no use dragging our body day without day when our souls are dead. Perhaps the only use left is to let that bloody god torture us further. I didn’t do it so far till now cause I am worried for my mum. She doesn’t deserved to endure the craps but I don’t deserve it either. I am feeling so hopeless.
My mother too wishes that I would return to the false days of my supposed “happiness”. She wishes that I would be happy now, but I’m so empty inside that I doubt that I’d ever feel it again. I’ve worn so many masks that I can’t even find myself.
God is an enterprise used by the powerful to control the weak. It’s to keep us from killing one another by using our fear of rejection. For someone or thing that is suppose to be a benevolent god, it tends to be only cruel because it doesn’t exist.
If you don’t mind, what skin problem do you have?