some of my friends just got married. several of my friends have a boyfriend. the ones that don’t, they’re actually happy. then there’s me. all alone, with no one. just sitting in my dark room, inflicting myself. because that’s the only thing I know how to do anymore because I’m a stupid girl in this stupid world. as far as relationships and stuff, I’m like the apple at the bottom of the tree. easy to pick and easy to throw away. my family doesn’t care about my problems, they never did. and my “friends” just randomly get mad at me for no reason, so I go and inflict myself some more, because I have no fucking clue why the hell this happens to me. I’m a good person, sometimes I get mad, but doesn’t everyone? mostly I’m just mad at myself, for even being born. its like i was born just to be humiliated and to be picked on. one thing that keeps me alive is that I love the feeling of pain when I burn or slice my skin. and I love the way it looks, the way it’s going to be there forever. I love the blood flowing out of my skin, i think it’s so beautiful.
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7 comments
Wow. I started reading this and began to cry. It is exactly how I feel. And I am so sorry for your pain. I would never wish what I feel on anyone.
wow really? are you a girl too? and it’s fine, I don’t really mind the pain anymore
Yes I’m a girl too. And the pain, I meant mental pain. The physical pain I like. I guess the old adage is true, that if you hurt physically then you won’t mentally. Whatever. Relationships are a joke with me. I find all the wrong guys. And then when I feel lonely I go out and get drunk and a have a one night stand to try and satisfy whatever need it is I have, when really I just feel worse. I know I shouldn’t. But I don’t really care. The temporary satisfaction I get is enough because I know my life will be over soon. I guess that all started after I was raped. Oh well…
I know, I was talking about the mental pain, I’m kinda used to it now. and that’s terrible, i’m so sorry:(
Eh… I’ll be ok soon.
I’m an apple on the ground too. Sorry for everything you’re going through. I wish I had a way to teleport us all into a room for hugs and face-to-face conversation. Maybe we could invent invisibility and walk around being invisible and doing funny things that no one could see.
that would be awesome, the teleporting thing. well I’m already invisible, seriously. I do stuff around the house no one even notices, and there’s like 7 other people in the house..