I’m in my room right now, about to try and sleep. I can’t. I don’t know. I’m confused about so many things at the same time right now.
Summer should be a reason to celebrate for most kids, I don’t know what I’m doing here right now. Summer kind of sucks for me because I can’t do much; most of my friends are another town away, and meeting up with them randomly is virtually impossible because I need my parents to give me a ride. The days seem to get longer and longer like it’s winter or some bullshit. I have this crazy feeling in me that something INSANE is going to happen the moment I get back in school, but that’s 2 months away.
I’m texting alot, but everyone’s doing something.
People I know on the internet are not enough for me anymore.
I’ve done everything fun I possibly can in this house. I’m bored and it’s making me think about life, which in turn makes me depressed. Am I supposed to call this “loneliness”? Fuck, maybe. It’s just a strange, strange thing I’m going through right now. I can’t describe it easily. If I ***** about it to my friends, I’ll just look like a douche, so I’m going to throw some words down here.
I’ve taken up a hobby of sitting in my room, listening to Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton while sitting cross-legged on my office chair with my head tilted about 45 degrees. Is that wrong?
I’d write some legit poetry right now because I’m inspired, but I suck at that. Maybe that’s why I’ll never really take off as an independent musician like I thought at one point. Oh well.
My tambourine isn’t a handheld tambourine like I wanted it to be. It’s supposed to be mounted, and when I play it because it’s the only percussion instrument I have, it’s awkward to hold and hurts my fingers.
I want to send a text to my best friend, but she’ll just say “we’ll work stuff out when school starts” and my… whatever this feeling is, goes in a circle.
It’s a lottery baby, everybody roll the dice!
I have a crush on a girl at school again. I only realized it after the end of the first semester, when we had a class together, and the second semester we didn’t, so I’ve been killing myself with it ever since. It’s really all I think about right now. I think I might be insane by August.
I’m getting sick of the guy who took my last girlfriend. Not that I already don’t hate him deep down, don’t get me started. I just mean that even though we’re sorta made a “truce” so it’s less awkward to walk through the hallways, he still thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong and that I’m his BEST FRIEND EVER. I might kill somebody..
Bro’s before hoes is a rule, read the guidelines!
Your mouth should be working for me for free.
TL;DR:
I can honestly write little snippets of paragraphs and sentences like this all night, but I’m going to stop and pray that anyone will understand how fucking confused I am and how i’m about to e-x-p-l-o-d-e because of all of it. Someone understand. Please. >_>
4 comments
I understand. You’re stuck in emotions you can’t quite put your finger on but it seems like you ought to be able to describe it, and nothing’s fallen into place like you want it to. Sounds like the guy who stole your girlfriend is an idiot, especially if he was your friend. My ex-boyfriend acted like he was into one of my friends while we were dating, and she constantly chose his side when I confronted either of them about it. I asked her to back off and she didn’t. And then they bonded after I broke up with him, and dumped nasty stuff all over me every time I talked to them. So, you know what? I stopped talking to both of them. Told them what I thought and now they leave me alone. And my life is a lot less stressful now, haha. It’s tough when you go to the same school like that but perhaps if he takes day classes versus night you could take night classes, or something? Or, even, just tell him straight-up what you think of him, which I know will hurt, but sometimes we feel better in the long run. Liking ripping off a bandaid and discovering it was more healed than you thought it’d be.
Writing this stuff out will help you sort stuff. For me, poetry, no matter if it’s good or bad, helps me sort out my thoughts: like arranging them into each line makes my emotions and questions clearer. If you feel like writing, write!! And you will never get any better if you don’t, so if you want to become a writing musician, keep writing. Even if it’s junk, the more you do it, the better you will become! 🙂 Take care! Good luck.
I always feel depressed when I begin to think dude. That’s one of our same things about us.
Try some poetry as long as it comes from your heart and it’s in some weird format and you express It n stuff then it’ll be awesome. Anyways I’m bored and wanna read something, especially if it’s depressing I wanna get my mind off this one girl…
I know right ive been texting all the time and get bored of it.
Also a good idea if u have like an iPhone write in your notes sections that’s what I do I put like 100 suicide notes and journal like things in there and I read out of them or u can proofread it for posting on suicide project (SP)
^I actually have just a quadrillion pieces of text in papers around my keyboard, taped up on the wall and on the music stand..
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/249609_221416174554956_100000597266819_833559_914629_n.jpg
I woke up this morning and reading the comments made me feel good inside.. so thanks.. I’m still confused though..