3AO1 (upside down)

I drown myself in my own self pity. All I want to do now is be with a girl, hold her tightly, kiss her, anything as long as I show deep appreciation and sincerity towards her. Of course, this is just my desperation for happiness that I believe I deeply deserve, but I don’t actually deserve anything. It’s not my mind that I’m telling myself I need a girlfriend. I might be having hormones or maybe anxiety or lust. I don’t know, but I have cold chills at the thought of school starting in less than one day… I thought I had at least 4 f’n days…. Crap… 3AO1 is LOVE upiside down. My idea, a good thing to show someone while flirting through text… Problem with me is… I probably suffered so much, I can never be satisfied, therefore I can never be truly happy. It’s a subconscious thing so I can’t just plain and simply turn my expectations down. I am so focused on it I can’t brainwash myself into wanting less, because every day I am reminded of the shitty life I have. Mom has financial problems, dad keeps trying to be my friend after how badly he bruised me up over little things… Ugh back to my relationship status. I had a girlfriend, but she was chubby and very jealous, mostly because she was fat, but now I am longing for someone. Do you see my desperation? I want a beautiful girl, yet I can’t talk to one in person. I even joined Mbuzzy in case there was anyone I could hopefully meet my age. So far I found a girl who is an assassin, a black girl, a couple random friends that I met. And a handful of gay 30 year olds asking to add them… I want to believe the assassin, but I want to say she’s crazy, but the irony shows I’m the crazy one and she may be right. I don’t know she has a good story, and she’s cute, but she has pure blurry pics of her and friends at school…