Harrowing senses of guilt and despair fill my mind with bitter persistence / Helpless in the wars I wage against myself, I’m a casualty of my own existence / Death always seemed so far away, now I’m closing the distance / Lacking an explanation for my degradation, I lash out in frustration / Ready to step, off the edge, I fill my thoughts with memories of you / I pour out my sentiment and leave it hanging on the wall / The crowd gathers round, witness to the fall / I dive right in, my eyes wide open / What’s left of me, distorted and broken / Red eyes and lonely hearts soon cascade over this tenement of clay, casting their flowers, then walking away/ Carry away the inanimate form / Hope for the shadow, to be reborn / The memory that I leave, is greater than the misery that I keep / And I won’t lose, another night of sleep,to the nightmares inside my mind / No, I won’t lose another night of sleep, regretting the mess, I’ve left behind / Tomorrow is just yesterday in disguise, and this vein in my wrist is begging for a knife / All the years of pain erased, when I take this life
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Haha there you are! xD Hello there Silver! Lol I am so going to tackle you. This is grrrrreat! Man I like this. It really speaks to me.. It sounds perfect like when I jump off a building. Ooh.
Ha, yeah I came out of my hole in the ground for a little bit. Tackle me? Doesn’t sound as if you like it, lol, j/k . Jumping will be my method. Got me a little spot picked out and all that jazz. Anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed my little slice of hell, lol. How you doin?
Thoughts of suicide are receding to the furthest part of my mind actually. Well, I won’t be attempting or hurting myself. A little bit happier nowadays. Although I did think about jumping off the highest building recently, and I wondered when I hit the ground will it hurt or will it be instant death?
not sure if you’ve ever been knocked unconscious, but I imagine it would be like that. You don’t know you’re out until you wake up, except in this case you would never know. unless you woke up somewhere else in the universe or time or heaven, hell, etc…. It’s funny you say that cuz suicide seems to be on my mind a lot more lately. started in december and I just can’t get rid of it. i’m surprised nobody’s noticed me walking around with this fucking giant monkey clinging to my back. lol. But I guess that just means I’m as good at hiding my feelings as I thought. Maybe I should take up acting lol. Glad to hear you’re feeling better, though. At least one of us is, lol. ugh i fell asleep when I got home from work today, and now I’m not even tired. Should be in bed already. grr
Oh I see. That doesn’t sound too bad. I suppose mustering the courage to jump is what I’m going to lack when I do decide to attempt it. It started around December for me as well. Or should I say, it got more serious and I really, really was thinking of ending it. Not just wishing I could die, more like wanting to die right then and there. The suicidal thoughts were always weighing me down. I also am good at hiding my feelings. Hm. Like I said in my post, “It’s not easy to hide one’s grief and pretend to laugh”. Damn right y’know. It’s tough to keep a smile on my face and sending enthusiastic emails/text messages to my pals. Well, it’s easier now since the happiness and lightness I feel is genuine and not forced.
it takes a strong person to keep living in the face of adversity. i suppose it takes an equally strong person or even stronger to bring yourself to ending it all. yea, your post was very true. i put on my “happy” face every day and pretend that everything is fine. just tired of feeling so fake though. i have good days, but they seem to be outweighed by the bad. been trying to come to terms with some issues from my past. it’s a painful thing to look back at some of the worst moments of your life and try to find a reason to move forward. a little off subject, but i’m listening to You Me At Six right now. good muzak fo sho. think i might go for a drive. nothin like just crusin at night listenin to music. might be able to sleep when i get back.
True, true. ’nuff said. *nods in agreement* Maybe by continuing the facade you’ll learn to accept it and perhaps it’ll stick. Idk. It’s just a thought that zipped past my mind. Yeah.. ‘Left foot represented good times, and right foot represented down times. So both were taken in stride’. It is painful indeed to look back to find the trail you left is riddled with mistakes and failures. It is better to face those imperfections and try to find some positive aspects to the bitter situations. Like how you learned from the hardships. Hm.. Oh, lol, I never heard of You Me At Six. Most of the time I listen to J-Pop/J-Rock. UVERworld is my fave J-Rock band. A drive sounds liberating. An escape. An opportunity to get away from the daily battles momentarily. Reminds me of a song by In This Moment called Just Drive. Loved metal since I was 12. Well, off I go into dreamland. SayÅnara. ☜☠☞