Alone in company

Does anyone else know this feeling of being isolated when surrounded by other people? Being all alone despite having so many people around you? I can’t seem to get rid of it. I feel like I’m cut off or distanced from everyone else by an invisible wall. I can’t trust any of them because I don’t know any of them. I want to feel connected to someone. I feel like I can’t reach anyone because I’m not real enough to touch them. Am I alone in this too? I hope nit. I’ve only recently found this site and for the first time I feel like I have something in common with people. I have felt stuck and alone and shut off for so long. I’m doing a psych and counselling degree which has brought old memories of high school back to the surface and resurrected my suicide by overdose impulse back to life as well. I am alone physically and emotionally so often that I’m almost used to it but sometimes awareness of my solitude ambushes me and I ache deep inside just to be known and to know someone in return. I cry until I’m sick it hurts so much sometimes. My family all think depression is an excuse for being lazy and that suicide is a cop-out, so I can’t talk to them about how I feel without them scoffing and mocking me. I have never really been accepted as who I am because I refuse to conform to what people around me consider to be normal or cool. I wish I could sleep forever.