Hi
I am a 35 yrs old. I have been visiting this site on and off a while. I have been fighting with depression for a very long time. I felt so shit today that I just had to write down my feelings. I am sure that they are no new news for the most of you, but here they are
How I feel:
• I have been depressed for such a long time that I can not remember how it feels like not to be.
• I cant remember how it feels like to be happy and optimistic
• Everyday there is like a cloud hanging over my head
• My mind feels hazy and dull
• I am constantly aware of something inside me that is dragging me down
• I have no friends
• The more I try to make friends the more I seem to muck it up
• My words always comes out the wrong way
• I loose track of time
• I forget a lot
• Struggle to remember names and information
• I am tired a lot
• I constantly think about suicide
• I constantly feel guilty to think about suicide
3 comments
I checked off a lot on your list. Yep, got that one, yep, that one too. Glad you posted. Writing helps. It does for me. I also understand having felt depressed for a long time. The last time I felt good was when I was 18 (I’m 47 now). I had seen a therapist for a few months and it really helped. He was good. But I haven’t been able to find a therapist since that was able to help me. Or maybe I just became too skeptical and blew off what they said. I just took a narcassist test at the link below. I scored half a point. All I could think about was why can’t psychiatrists make a drug that turns us into narcassists…seriously…why can’t they? Instead we self-medicate through alchohol use and whatever.
here’s the link – just to kill 5 or 10 minutes……….
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-03-16-pinsky-quiz_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip
Train your body and mind. Don’t give yourself so much time to dwell on what drags you down. Is there a thought that moves you forward? Stick with it.
That sounds like so many people in here, its true. But most are young and hopefully will pass thrrough this phase. You at 35, and I at 51 on the other hand are the real deal. I hope you resolve your issues one way or the other before you hit mu age. I find every reason to postpone what I really want coz I am married and dont want my wife to be hurt, but I too have no friends and find joy in nothing. I have all the gear and have read the Final Exit over and over. Willing to take your emails if you want. iamaussiemark@gmail.com