my depression, like the scar on my forehead. It is stuck with me. It will never go away. Except my depression comes and goes as it pleases, makes eme sad and angry occasionally and normal and content other days. Never truly happy though, but I’m better than my major depression a few months ago. I’ve choked so much, my past is new to me. Reality and dreams are hard to comprehend and I can’t figure which is which. Music from Matisyahu reminds me of Nycolle. My brain is completely set on the idea that I have no reason to live. My morals and values are corrupted, making me believe life is pointless. I have no reASON TO LOVE. LIFE IS A FAT BOWL OF SHIT… WE LIVE WE DIE. I DON’T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE THERE’S NO POINT. I DON’T LIKE MY SKILLS. I HAVE NO SKILLS. IM CURRENTLY 16 QND WHEN I HIT 18 I WON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO. I MIGHT JOIN THE ARMY AND GET KILLED IN BATTLE HOPEFULLY. maybe I should get a grenade, pull the pin, count to 5 and just end it there in a fragmented explosion of blood, flesh and shrapnel. Anyways, hope you guys feel better, because I’m hopeless. (why do I always… ALWAYS POST AT 2:00 A.M.) odd right. ??? Goodnight I guess. I guess I’m mostly depressed at this time. If I ever suicide it will be at 2:00 A.M. (isn’t 3:00 A.M. The witching hour???) goodbye I guess hope I don’t choke the fuck out of my neck
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3 comments
Maybe you should join the Marine Corps. Be put with me here in Okinawa
Good idea I love weaponry so as long as I learn how to use and properly maintain a weapon and defense. maybe even die in battle (if I even get put anywhere near the battle) well all I can do is hope and I suck at that.
I have been in battle and you may surprise yourself and want to live through it. You are still young and still have so much in front you you now. I was in a similar position as you when I was Younger. I am so Glad that I made it through. You can too! You have to try and you have to want it.
You can view the world how ever you want too! Do not let outside forces control your attittude it is really the only thing in this life that you can control.