Crused I am

I was born under a curse and I will die under a curse. I am in so much pain. My heart is dead why does it keep on beating? My life makes no sense. The 57 years that I have lived have been a complete and total shipwreck. Fuck why am I still breathing. I want to close my eyes and never open them again. I hate myself, evrything and everyone I am a tormented soul Nothing in my life has been normal no matter how much I strive how hard I work there never has been and never will be normalcyl in my life. I have no one I am nothing. I just can not pretend any more I cannot continue this sherade any longer I am a fraud my life is a sham Is this just some huge cosmic joke what is going on