Is there any point in living as a misanthrope?

Or killing yourself  is the only rational choice for those who don’t like people in general? I have been thinking about this for such a long long time. In fact, i have decided that the latter really makes sense, but i’m afraid of botching up the attempt and continuing this life as a “disabled misanthrope”, which is the equivalent of Hell in our world.

Well, i was not completely this way during my childhood and adolescence; well i did not have many friends in any time of life (i have an asperger syndrome by the way), but i had some close ones at that time. Also i was a hard-working and intelligent student, who had beautiful plans about future.  But then things changed, almost nothing went in favor of me. Although i tried hard, very hard, I did not get what i wanted. On the other hand, i was used by people for my talent and diligence and then thrown out like a garbage bag. I started to notice the hypocrisy, greed and prejudice (against the “outsiders”) in people, their masks which enable them play their roles in the big stage, etc., and i gradually cut myself off the society. Now i have become a 29-year-old, phd student (doing a phd under the supervision of a piece of shit,arrogant prof.  in a field i did not prefer in the first place) city recluse with zero friends (in Ä°stanbul, a city with almost 15 million people), crying  to death after coming home, trying to find the most reliable method.

In fact, i see no point in writing this, i can see that now my thinking ability has been deteriorating and i am not as intelligence as i was in my late 10s/beginning 20s. Huh, my writing skills were quite good but look at this, i could write all this nonsense in half an hour. I don’t think that i could write a quality thesis, i don’t think that i could find a girlfriend/wife who could accept me as i am, i don’t think that i could start trusting people and spending time with them again. So what is the point of my existence?

I don’t see any point at all, and hopefully i will put an end to my misery soon. Probably by jumping off the balcony at the 10th floor.