It feels like a Science Project.

Hey gang.

Long time reader, first time poster.

My name doesn’t matter.  I’m from Essex, United Kingdom and 23.
I have attempted suicide before and at my evaluation I was told “To go live life, see places, experience things”.

So I did.  I jumped on a plane and did stuff.  I’m home.  This place hasn’t changed.  I’m leaving again.  This time I’ve done my research.

My last attempt was with prescription drugs and from experience, if you see it in the movies, it doesn’t work in real life.  I can’t go into exact methods so I won’t.

My next exit plan is nearly in place.  This time I have taken methodical planning and stockpiling to make sure it works.

I actually get a morbid kick out of learning to make my death less painful and more quickly.  It’s a strange sense of pride that I haven’t felt for many years since back in education with a math problem.

My only remaining decisions are on “where” and “when”.  Your comments would be greatly cherished.

The current plan is to wait until my family go to work.  This gives me a window of 8 – 10 hours.
I would start the exit procedure to according to my mathematics in place.  The effects should come on within 30mins to an hour.
I was going to put on a playlist of my favourite songs, complete my note and fill in a last entry into my diary.
Have a cigarette then lie down on my bed listening to my music.

Is being in my room recommended?  Or would the shock of someone waking me to find me dead be scar them? Should I instead pick a chair or use the garden to make it more obvious?
Should I hold out until those in my house go away for a weekend so I can be 100% certain?
Should I go away instead?  And let a stranger find me?  That’s cruel though.

If anyone would like to discuss, feel free to comment or (I find easier and more private) email myself on:
mrblonde (at) swedishseat.com

I’m not looking for an intervention and comments as such will just be ignored.  Apologies for the rudeness but my mind has been set for a long time.