Longing for peace

“Life isn’t fair.” I have heard this so many times in my life, but never was there any over used phrase to aid in coping with it. I met my first love in high school. When we graduated, I wanted to take care of her and marry her, so I joined the army. After a few weeks of basic training, my sunday call was spent listening to her state that she doesn’t want to marry me, and that she was seeing another man…… I tried to kill myself twice, both with tylenol. The second attempt was extremely close to success. I was talking to my brother on the phone, and I was confused due to the poison, so he tricked me into telling him my location.

Two and a half years later(now) I’m married and have a four month old baby. My wife and I were once as soulmates, now we have a court date set, because of domestic violence. And frankly, I was not charged, she went to jail. Basically, Mrs.Dominatrix wants me to be her little *****….I won’t…

My discharge and debt from the army prevent me from doing anything with my life. I ruined my life at the age of 18…Ignorance…

I am to forever be a peasant. The gov’t took away our food money, now we barely eat, though, the baby is well fed.

My wife also makes me look like a horrible person to other people, even though she is a criminal many times now. Deceptive, deeply manipulative. LO AND BEHOLD. Out of the two years I’ve known her, she had no job until 2 weeks ago. I took care of her.

Tonight I hope to escape it. I have thought about suicide every day for so long. I have longed for death. Someone shoot me, someone crash into me, maybe my heart will fail today…..

I can’t handle it anymore. After hundred of hours spent looking up ways to die, I know of three or four things I can put into my body with a fatality risk. I intend to use them all.