Please let my brain tumor be back!!!

Fuck I really hope I go to get my yearly MRI next week and then have the Neurosurgeon go over it and tell me that it’s (my brain tumor) back!!! I don’t want to keep living this fucking LIE of a life! The worst decision I ever made was to have the first HUGE brain tumor removed! what the fuck was I thinking!? I could have just died and been done with this bullshit life! This is the only place I can just blatantly say : “I want to fucking die!!!” I can drop hints all I want on Facebook or even just wear black everyday, or look pissed everyday….be into bands like Suicide Silence (the act I want to perpetrate is in the fucking name!!!) but people are just to self involved to give two squirts of piss that I am ready to fucking hang myself! The though that once they find my body….everyone will be all “I can’t believe it!” or “why!? How could he?!” pisses me off because I gave everyone plenty of warning that I am NOT OKAY! and I am struggling. FUCK! thanks for nothing you fucking assholes! Once I am dead, it will be too fucking late! fuck this life!!! I am all kinds of fucked up…..I’ve got medical problems AND mental issues…..both of which I was BORN with!! your fucking god made me this way!!! god damn it……I say the same shit before I go to bed every single night…..”please please please….don’t let me wake up!!!” but I always do and the only way to prevent that from happening is to take matters into my own hands…..SUICIDE here I come!!!