Surviving suicide.

First time: February 2. It was after my therapy session. 
I felt like nothing was getting better, I was just getting
more and more depressed. I felt that life no longer had a
meaning so I went to the station and I sat on the platform
for 2 hours just waiting for the courage to jump in front 
of a train. I sat there crying and just praying that I 
could just jump. But I couldn't, I was thinking about my
parents and how unfair it would be, for them to lose their
only daughter. So I walked home, proud and so disappointed
at the same time. My heart won this time. 

Second time: It was 3 months ago and once again I felt like
everything was meaningless. I was still depressed. This time
I thought that this would at least leave my parents a whole
body to bury. So I took 96 Imovane, swallowed them (believe
me it was tough) with a bottle of vodka and just waited for 
it all to end. Ended up with me, puking all night, had the
worst anxiety ever for not making it. So I just lied on the
floor after a obvious failed suicide attempt and didn't get
up for several hours until my father found me on the floor 
when he got home, he drove me to the hospital where I 
stayed for 2 weeks under surveillance.