A Rosy Day

Why cry about what you can never change?  I have been an unlucky person for 50 years and it seems as if over the past three years my life has been spiraling downward with increasing speed.  It’s not a “feeling sorry for myself” kind of thing – it’s more of a “well if after 50 years things are only getting dramatically worse, why endure pain for what little life is left to you?” approach.  I’ve paid my dues.  I’ve earned the rest.  I have spent a normal life.  I have hurt people – sometines intentionally, most times by accident.  I believed in God and asked for forgiveness on those occasions when I knew I had done wrong.  I tried mostly to do right and always tried to take care of others – whether they were people close to me or strangers (I am one of those who’ll always give money to strangers – even when I know the stories they give me of their own hard luck are false).  I’ve done my best.  But what went around in terms of the good never once came around, while the bad always seemed to find its way back 100 times over.  Just a sad and unsuccessful life.  Today was one more nail (not discussing it, sorry).  I had made my decision over five months ago and have been preparing for it ever since.  Nothing has happened to change my mind.