I’d like to die soon, thing are just not going the way i plan , this life is way to hard for me, even though i battled through an eating disorder, people think I’m strong, but I’m not it eating me alive,  it made me weaker.I just think all new ways to die, everyday and seem which ones the least painless, I’m done with this pain, i wanna go peacefully. but  i don;t even wanna talk anymore, im fading,not there, i feel numb, i get cuts now and i don’t feel it, i feel irresistible to pain and  feel nothing. The only pain i feel is my sadness, i really can’t live anymore, i’m failing all my classes, do no homework, no permit, no license, no job,no boyfriend and im 17,  already, but none of these things seem important to me. It simple, some people don’t belong here. This nothing place, that where forced to live a certain way,  I just can’t keep up, Im falling, getting left behind.  And i always get that awkward moment when try to just tell them i want to die, and they be okay with it, instead they give me a weird face , as if i’m insane.
She gets all the glory, as  I  die.
Why does everyone love you, and i get solid face of people who don’t care for me. I don’t understand, how you love me but when i told you i’m sad and want to die, you just didn’t understand. But, now you felt that sadness pain and wanting to end your life for a few moments, i tried to help her but i couldn’t give her one reason to live, instead i convinced her it was a good idea, but how could i tell her  to want to live, when i don’t want to be here. You feel those tears there real, there inevitable cause you want to cry all the time, sadness become you and life’s not so fun anymore. Of course she feeling  bettter, now life takes a turn and everyone love her even more for beating up  girls no one liked.  As i fade away once more,  my pain still run as deep, but life and her go on without me. Im left alone in this dark place.
i don’t know if this is all in my head, cause  i don’t feel sane
3 comments
Hi. wish i could be there 4 u and give u a hug and say things will get better! but i know that that wont help! when u feel that low! and feel that u dont fit in! anywhere! nothing will help! i know just how u feel! But please dont give up! not after 17 years! u could have ur whole life ahead of u! full of joy n hope! b Stronge! Think of urself 4 a while! its not being selfish! ur just taking care of urself!……….which u need x
i felt that way afew years ago and there is nothing anyone can say to make u feel better. but the one thing that helped me survive was that i wasnt going to give the people who hated me that kind of pleasure that my death would bring. prove everyone wrong knightofdoom. and when u succeed u have the right to shove it in there faces. but dont do it for them do it for u. u diserve to be happy just like everyone else. even more so. as for a boyfriend u wait until a guy who is willing to exept all of u comes around and then never let him go!
I don’t think you need to prove anything to others; it’s not going to bring satisfaction.
It doesn’t matter because they don’t care.
I am also seventeen, and I do not have a boyfriend. I honestly feel that I’m not stable enough to be in a relationship.
I somehow entertain myself from becoming too wrapped up in my thoughts.
I think composing music gives a bit of meaning and expression to my life.
I write really silly stuff, but I get to do whatever I want with it.
We may be miserable, lonely, and hurt, but we are alive and so is hope.