Do I make sense anymore

September 22nd, 2011by Knightofdoom

 

 

I’d like to die soon, thing are just not going the way i plan , this life is way to hard for me, even though i battled through an eating disorder, people think I’m strong, but I’m not it eating me alive,  it made me weaker.I just think all new ways to die, everyday and seem which ones the least painless, I’m done with this pain, i wanna go peacefully. but  i don;t even wanna talk anymore, im fading,not there, i feel numb, i get cuts now and i don’t feel it, i feel irresistible to pain and  feel nothing. The only pain i feel is my sadness, i really can’t live anymore, i’m failing all my classes, do no homework, no permit, no license, no job,no boyfriend and im 17,  already, but none of these things seem important to me. It simple, some people don’t belong here. This nothing place, that where forced to live a certain way,  I just can’t keep up, Im falling, getting left behind.   And i always get that awkward moment when try to just tell them i want to die, and they be okay with it, instead they give me a weird face , as if i’m insane.

 

She gets all the glory, as  I  die.

Why does everyone love you, and i get solid face of people who don’t care for me. I don’t understand, how you love me but when i told you i’m sad and want to die, you just didn’t understand. But, now you felt that sadness pain and wanting to end your life for a few moments, i tried to help her but i couldn’t give her one reason to live, instead i convinced her it was a good idea, but how could i tell her  to want to live, when i don’t want to be here. You feel those tears there real, there inevitable cause you want to cry all the time, sadness become you and life’s not so fun anymore. Of course she feeling  bettter, now life takes a turn and everyone love her even more for beating up  girls no one liked.  As i fade away once more,   my pain still run as deep, but life and her go on without me. Im left alone in this dark place.

i don’t know if this is all in my head, cause  i don’t feel sane

 

 

 

 

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