Im 13 years old and I’ve been through hell already… My mom is verbaly abusive and my dad is a drug addict. When I was 11, my mother would make me feel so bad about myself, that I would cry on a daily basis…. she had no love for me, only lies. I was an accident. She was going to terminate me but my grandmother, being a very religious person, stopped her. Who loves an accident. Simply a waste of space, not a blessing. When i was younger, and even now, I see little of my father. Most of the time he is in his room hitting it up. all i see of him is when he comes home inraged and violent and when he comes out of his room soaring. The begining of my sixth grade year, i began to cut. My first time with a broken tic-tac lid, now with razors. The feeling of the blood trickling out of my arm made me feel good. Now, in eighth grade, I have over 20 scars covering my arms, and about 20 covering my stomach and leggs. Ive always been a bigger girl. I mean, i never got made fun of, but i never came to peace with my large frame. Thats part of the reason i cut. I have very bad trust issues. I have been lied to so much in the past year, and thats why i dont belive anyone. People call me beautiful, but im not. Ive never been. When im with my friends, i always put on a happy mask. They know i cut, but they think i stopped. The truth is, in the past month, has been my lowest point in my struggle. I thought about suicide. About slitting my wrists and forgetting the pain, leaving it all behind. It wont stop. I remember those nights when i would just set in my room with my blade and cry. I remember the dark feeling. The pain has always been there. Just recently i got a new boyfriend. As soon as we starting dating, i knew somthing was wrong. I could’nt feel that gitty omgihaveaboyfriend feeling. I just felt… blank. then i relized it was because i lost all my feelings. I cant feel love, happiness, or joy, the only things i can feel are pain, regret, or nothing at all. My tears dont even fall anymore. they wont. The other night, i set there in my bed, and punched my arm as hard as i could. Then i relized, the pain felt good. I enjoyed it. It relized me in some way. It took my mind off of everything. Then i ended up punching my arm until i felll asleep…. I woke up with a black and blue arm. Then today i found myself with a dog leash around my neck and testing if the hook above my bed would hold the weight of my dead body….. I dont want the blankness anymore. I want to rest……. for once in my life….
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
zawwww Q~ Q you shouldnt beat yourself up for this. no one should. Okay im sorry they dont want you. but you should feel proud of yourself. Ignore what anyone says. Feel good about yourself. Pain isnt what it should do for you. Pain will repeat itself. Poetry or writing is what you need. Psyical pain is not the answer. And we already know suicide isnt but we all want to do it. sorry that i am not much of help. but you should try spending time with your boyfriend. Alot of people dont have that your one of the lucky ones that do. Try it…
Your boy ain’t a very good boy if he don’t make you feel good bout yourself… no offense to him
Have you ever gone to talk to someone at school like a counselor? If you don’t feel comfortable with that idea you should express yourself through writing, songs, poetry, and try to realize even if you were a “mistake” to your parents they are so many people in life who would think otherwise. Even if its of the smallest things like opening the door for someone. Its the smallest things that matter most. If i were in your position i would talk to someone you know and tell them you don’t feel safe at home? But otherwise keep your chin up high! If those bad thoughts come into your head always think about something small you like or take a second and look around where ever your at and look at the small details of what goes on in that certain place.
Have you ever gone to talk to someone at school like a counselor? If you don’t feel comfortable with that idea you should express yourself through writing, songs, poetry, and try to realize even if you were a “mistake” to your parents they are so many people in life who would think otherwise. Even if its of the smallest things like opening the door for someone. Its the smallest things that matter most. If i were in your position i would talk to someone you know and tell them you don’t feel safe at home? But otherwise keep your chin up high! If those bad thoughts come into your head always think about something small you like or take a second and look around where ever your at and look at the small details of what goes on in that certain place. I wish you the most best of luck <3 stay strong