Needed to say something somewhere

  September 19th, 2011 by Udanna

I want to die.  I use to be suicidal, I’ve never quite stopped being suicidal but I haven’t had quite so many attempts in the past 10 years.

I think about it routinely.   If I had a better way of doing it I may already be gone by now.  I have someone who watches me closely.  I don’t have the opportunity to do a lot if I wanted to.  Fuck these safety nets. Someone cut them.

By this time I have done my research.  I have had my share of failed attempts.  Next time, what doesn’t kill me is going to leave me maimed for the rest of my life.

I feel I can’t talk to anyone about it.  Since everyone is against suicide.  I’m not really asking anyone to be pro-suicide either just not as against it as everyone else is.  So please don’t be walking into this post with your happy sunshine bullshit because it isn’t wanted I can get that anywhere else.

 

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