I’m pretty sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I go from idealizing people I’m close to to hating theirÂ guts for no reason. My emotions are always jacked up. I’mÂ paranoid as fuck about other people’s motives. I destroy relationships on purpose and I can’t help it. And I have more than a few self destructive tendencies. A few days ago I “accidentally”? drank to the point where I smacked my head against a wall falling downstairs. I then heard my friend yelling my name and shaking me, but this eventually got fainter and fainter until I suppose I blacked out and became unresponsive for about a minute. Never blacked out before. Was actually kinda scary but it didn’t hurt. I don’t wanna go that way though. I’d feel too pathetic.
I’ve thought about it and in making a suicide attempt, there are two methods I am particularly attracted to. Pills and slitting my wrists. The usual “boring” ones I guess. haha. However, I have read that a lot of the time overdosing won’t kill you. So I guess I’d slit my wrists. I mean, I already cut myself. There is something…aesthetic about bleeding.
Tomorrow is my birthday. It’ll be lonely I guess. Not that I’m feeling sorry for myself. I just wish it wasn’t my birthday. I’m more afraid of getting older than I am of dying.