unsure?

im not sure if i want to end my life or not. i have nothing good going on and find myself feeling worse and worse everyday. i have friends, or even people in my life that i talk to . not friends. i have no one who i can tell these feelings too. the friends i do have are fake. they say nasty things about me and then tell me its all in my head and im going insane. this doesnt help. its even started happenin at the place were i work because everyone knows each other. i want to cause myself harm so people know they are hurting me. but then i dont want to be seen as an attention seeker because thats not what i feel i am, i think it would be easier to die. but even though my family arnt people i talk to much i still dont want to burden them with my death, im 18 years old and confused about what to do. i sometimes find myself to be crying completly out of the blue. i think about suicide all the time, plan it out and think of methods, can anyone help?