When I get rejected.

When I get rejected I feel a loss of umf. like its hard to try again. I get sad and lonly. I think and fill like a piss of shi*. some times even like a piece of meat. Men take what they want from you at the youngest years of your life and people expect you to be ok and over it by the time your 24. Things just dont go away like that.. Theres not a day that goes by that I can get away without thinking bout what happened. Even though I was so young I still remember every little detail. When I think about it I start thinking about ways to get rid of the pain and I start to slash my arms. My eyes roll back in to my head with pleasure and I am able to go a couple more hours. I wish I would just loss my memory. Some times Im scared even if I lose my memory I will still remember those years. those awful things I was told was just a game.