No one wants to deal with a suicidal person. I can’t talk to anyone. I don’t know why I try to. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. I don’t know why I haven’t just done it already.
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I’ll deal with ya
Man, I can’t take much more. Pretending I’m fine just so others won’t get freaked out. I can’t ask for help anymore because the anger, chiding, and dismissal just makes things worse. After my last attempt all I heard was ‘why didn’t you ask for help?’ Now I’m begging and I get treated like the most selfish human being on the planet.
I can’t do it anymore. I’m losing control. I sat in my bathroom this morning with everything I need to end it. And I figured out why I haven’t been able to go through with it. Some part of me wants to believe that someone out there gives a shit about me. And I laughed, because I know it’s not true. And then I laughed louder, because I realized how pathetic I am.
I didn’t go through with it this morning because I’m just too damn exhausted, if that makes any sense. I just don’t have the energy to do what needs to be done.
Stop pretending. One thing everyone hates more than someone feeling sorry for themselves is a fucking fraud. You pretend to be happy then everyone’s gonna pretend to hate you.
Life’s like a game, it’s completely unfair, the rules make no sense, when you get ahead you get cocky, but when your in last place you feel down, and everybody wants to start over when the game doesn’t go their way. Just remember two things. One, no matter what place your in nobody blames for getting pissed and throwing the pieces all over the place and yelling “This fucking game sucks, I wanna play monopoly!” And two, it’s not cheating unless you get caught or you didn’t win…
I know exactly what you mean. After my last suicide attempt I was made to stay at a psychiatric unit, while I was in there my mum kicked me out so my sister agreed to have me live with her. She shouldn’t have to deal with me, a suicidal person.. It’s not her responsibility. I’ve been here for just over a year now anyway and I question myself everyday ‘Why haven’t I just done it yet?’ because there’s nothing in my life to hold on to. All I really have is myself and I hate myself. I hate myself for everything thats happened in my like to drag me down to this point. Letting people walk all over me, abuse my trust, not sticking up for myself, not applying myself in life. Fuck, when I was a teenager all I did was smoked, drink and took drugs because I hated the reality of my life and I fucked it all up. I’m 21 now and I’ve got nothing. No hope. No future. Depression, anxiety and all that bullshit has made it impossible to feel any better. I can change my hair, dye it, buy new clothes, try and feel better about myself but.. Oh well, I’ve had suicide on my mind since I was 13.. It’s just how my life is supposed to be..
Sorry for rambling on.. I don’t usually do that.
It’s all good.
Your sister took you in cuz she loves you and she prolly don’t regret it.
I was like that. It sucked but it also made me who i am today. I’m not gonna lie i do have alot of regrets but it’s all just experience that made me a stronger person today. It’ll happen to you too. You’ll look back and laugh.
Jus be cool, man
My sister does love me but she shouldn’t have to deal with me.
Everybody’s different, what doesn’t kill you made you stronger.. For me, it just makes thing a lot worse. There’s no way I could look back and laugh at my life. There’s nothing to laugh about, it’s actually pretty sad.
Well it might just be me being a little demented. Sorry to say but suicide and shit makes me laugh a little. I don’t mean anything by it, it’s like you said, everybody’s different. I don’t know what’s goin to help you or how it will help you but something will help you. Sorry to say you just have to wait for it. It’s hard being patient for the good things to come but when they do, it was all worth the wait
I laugh because I realize it’s all shit. All of it. My entire life has been nothing but one big pathetic joke. If life really is a game, I’m the pawn. I think from now on I’ll just keep my mouth shut. That way the people around me can feel comfortable and I don’t get slammed for my despair. I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t kill myself at home. I think I’ll just get in the car and drive until I run out of gas, and wherever I end up is where I’ll end it. Just disappear.