so I just got home from a birthday thing my friend had and I feel like crap. I tried to be normal for her and not ruin the night but it was so hard, because she had it at the same place where I met this guy who ended up stealing my heart and he passed away recently. all night i kept seeing his face and replaying that night over and over again when i met him there and it was like my heart kept breaking all over again each time.
We all have an idea in our head of what our “perfect” someone would be like, but i never ever thought i would actually meet someone who was not only like imagined but even better!.. every single thing about him was memorizing for me.I loved every thing about him. I remember there was a night that he was feeling down and being hard on himself and he said to me..” im a really fked up person u shouldnt get attached to me :[ “….. i told him otherwise, he didnt realize that he was absolutely perfect to me..no matter what mistakes he made or said, I saw more to him than he noticed. I saw that he had a great heart, caring and so loving beside that ” tough” act he potrayed on the surface.. I really saw him for who he was and fell completely in love. He was also my fIrst time <3 and the thing is he never even really knew..
we knew about the feelings we had for each other but i never told him i Loved him…Never told him that he ws all i thought about…never told him that I'd never want anyone else but him, Never told him tht if he wanted i'd never leave his side… I will Love him forever and its so hard because since the day i met him i couldnt see myself with anyone else and that hasn't change even as he's gone and it KILLS ME… every night i long to hear his voice see that beautiful smile, him telling me its alright when im sad…making me laugh. My heart cries out for him everyday .. Loosing him.. I lost part of me.. I can write pages and pages about this, but words will never describe this pain.. This whole in my world.. Everything else seems irrelevant and i wish someone would just kill me to end this suffering. I just want to see him again so bad.. I dont know how to recover from this at all 🙁
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2 comments
Maybe it’s an experience to grow on. I’m sorry for your hurt, I couldn’t possibly know what it feels like. I hope you find peace after all this. Maybe you and him weren’t meant to be- if you believe in god, he does everything for a reason. He wouldn’t give you the “one” you’re supposed to be with and then take him away. It’s possible he was not your soulmate if God didn’t give you two time to be together. That’s how I feel, sorry to force my beliefs on you if you don’t believe in God. If you do believe in god, I hope you have found some consolation.
thankss..yea in fact since then ive been praying more and trying to be closer to God…been looking for anything to help i guess…and maybe you’re right idk… i just really hope one day I dont have to feel like this anymore..