I’ve used these kind of sites before and I never got anywhere with them,but I came across this,and thought I’d give them one last go.
I’ve fucked everything up so bad, I had everything, now I think of it,but I lost it all. All my friends, well my real ones anyway. My family are completely different around me now they know what I wanted, and how badly I was coping,it’s almost patronizing. I had endless Councillors, doctors and things but they just didn’t work. Now I literally have nothing,and I’d just got my career side of life things together and I’ve been told today I can’t do them anymore. I don’t want to give up again but I can’t think of anything that’s stopping me,and I don’t think people care anymore if i go or stay. Its getting worse everyday, and at the moment my only escapism is alcohol and I’m starting to slip into kinds of drugs I never would have touched before, I’ve managed to stop my self from going back to deeply self- harming with razors,somtimes I slip up and take some pills just to make me feel better,but when I see a razor it’s getting harder and harder not too.
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I also have to say I’ve come across several sites like this, only to find more questions than answers. It’s hard, I know. The doctors, the therapy, the constant tiptoeing of family around your feelings as if you’re an already cracked eggshell due to break at any moment. I can’t tell you that it will get better, because I cannot predict the future, but if it is any consolation, you are not alone. Slipping into dangerous vices may distract you temporarily from your emotional pains, but in the end, I fear it will only cause the problem to grow.
Whatever choices you do decide to make, I hope that you at least find that peace of mind. You are not alone, and if you need anyone to let loose your pent up emotions on, we are here for you.
im a cutter too, so i understand the razor dilemma…to cut or not to cut? every time i feel like i have overcome it, something comes along and triggers that urge again. the only thing i can tell u is what i tell myself…one day at a time and keep putting one foot in front of the other…also dont give up on the counselor/therapist thing…i have been thru quite a few myself and finally found one that i click with and feel comfortable with…hang in there and dont give up…guess i should be giving myself this advice too…