It’s no damn wonder there are people like myself out there who see no other way out than suicide. People, humanity as a whole, sucks!
I have a very thin hold on my sanity now as it is. I am trying to get some things in my life in order so I don’t leave my family with any more of a burden than the ones they will already be dealing with in the event of my death.
I am not a pretty woman, I never have been, never will be and I’ve lived with it all my life. No amount of nice clothing, makeup, hairstyles, or anything else has helped. I have been rejected over and over and over, based strictly on my looks or lack thereof. Now, when I have no one, no partner and companion, and no friends, I could use just a little compassion and acceptance while I am so close to the edge. Do you think that the shallow people that inhabit this planet give a shit though??? NO! I have been to several sites just seeking friends, nothing more. Over and over I have placed ads and answered ads for males seeking friendship only. I’ve always gotten along better with males than females, don’t know why? Anyway I have met what I thought were real sincere men and we seemed to hit it off. We would email back and forth and things would be great until they sent a pic and asked for mine. Most turned out to be sorry enough to just not respond back, but this latest one has just made me even more bitter. He and I had NEVER talked about meeting up, just email exchanges. He sent me his pic, I sent my back this morning and not 5 minutes later I get a reply back saying, “He’s been thinking and since I am still trying to get over my ex, he thinks I should concentrate on that instead of trying to look for friends, good luck”. How SORRY is that? How can people just turn their backs on someone who is so obviously hurting and needs to know there are some people out there who care at least a little??? Am I the only one left who actually FEELS bad when another person is hurting? I would NEVER turn my back on someone who I knew was contemplating suicide just because they didn’t look a certain way. Are the “beautiful people” of this world the only ones that matter anymore? If you are fat, ugly, plain, homely, skinny, etc, are you just supposed to go ahead a do the world a favor and kill yourself because you aren’t worth knowing? People keep telling me that I will find someone better than my ex, blah, blah, blah. HOW in the hell is that going to happen, when I can’t even keep male friends because I’m ugly? All I’ve got to look forward to is a lifetime of empty loneliness.
I keep trying to carry on a little while longer, but the coldness and cruelty of people is just making it harder and harder everyday. I’m not going to “put myself out there” for anymore rejection, but with that being said, I may not even make it to the New Year. Being alone and not being able to do anything to change it has me asking what in the hell I’m waiting on??? A miracle from God, yeah right. He was the one who created the ugly mistake I am so why should He do anything more???
I will never understand people who can kick another when they are so down and alone. I hope the next life is better than this place because it sucks!
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I apologize to you for what others have done, because I have done the same. I am deeply sorry for this. I do not know why I did such things or why they did it. It is wrong, and there are no excuses.
Hey cj, that’s good that you admit you’ve made the same mistake. At LEAST you acknowledge that you are aware of it. Don’t apologize for others, we are all responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Not trying to be preachy, but if you ever find yourself in that situation again, try to remember this. If someone is hurting and you have the opportunity to help, try to at least make some kind of effort. Whose to say that your attention won’t be the one thing that keeps them from giving up and ending it all? Sometimes, just knowing there is 1 person out there who cares can mean the difference between living to see another day and leaving this world for good.
I wish for you a lifetime of happiness and joy.
Don’t feel bad you’re likely not even bad looking. You made 2 mistakes. You went on a dating site(those are just terrible places. They makes you feel real low real fast) and you attempted to have across gender friendships(over the internet no less). A lot of guys don’t want a platonic relationship with a woman and its probably hard to find one that does over the internet. You also can’t reasonably expect a stranger after a few email exchanges to want to maintain a friendship. Seeing what the guy said without context is sorta unfair. I can’t tell if he is “turning his back on you” or deciding the arrangement is not for him. If you’ve bought up your ex that can scare anyone away from wanting to talk to you. I hope i don’t come off as harsh but I’ve been through the same thing(only looking for a girlfriend) and its no easier as a guy.
I cannot add much, Kno1 said a lot of what I was thinking and how I feel. Like you I have also tried dating sites to no avail. They do make you feel really low about yourself. I do believe in “cross gender” friendships. Although they are really hard to come by. And if you do find some common ground friendship then you should be able to speak about your ex to some degree. And there are plenty of “good looking” people with low self esteem, and “unattractive” people with egos that can fill every empty cup on Earth up. I cannot promise you friendship, but as far as someone to talk to, I am here and would not mind at all. I think only certain people can connect and become friends. I wish you the best.
Thank you blackmist for your insight. However, I actually didn’t go to a dating site looking for anyone. I went to the Strictly Platonic sections on CraigsList, in 2 different cities no less. These guys posted for female friends, I answered, they replied and then I got discarded as soon as I sent them a pic like they asked for. One even told me that it was probably something I did that pushed my ex away. This guy doesn’t have a clue as to what went on in my relationship with my ex, and while I wasn’t faultless by any stretch, I damn sure didn’t do anything that brought me to this point!
It’s just a shame that people have lost their compassion for those who need some reassurance that they haven’t been abandoned by everyone around them or close to them. Just when I thought I couldn’t sink any lower, these guys proved me wrong by their selfish, cold actions. I’m not like that so I guess it just surprises me that so many other people are. Even if I don’t want a person as a friend, if I see someone in need, even a total stranger, especially one who is suicidal, I would MAKE the effort to try and help in whatever capacity I could. That’s whats wrong with this world now. Everyone is too wrapped up in themselves to make the time for others who may really need to know someone cares. It could be the difference between life and death for a person.
I feel bad I hope I didn’t come off as an ass. I only wanted to say that you should have a realistic view on how people act. To paraphrase something great modern philosopher rapper TI said (sarcastic much?) “I don’t expect much of people that way when the let me down I’m not disappointed” if you need someone to email or have msn messenger kno11987@hotmail.com
Thanks kno1, for replying back. I probably do have a unrealistic view of people, but I guess it’s because of how I try to treat others. If I choose someone as a friend, it is not based on their looks, or size, it’s what kind of person they are to be around, how they feel about life, etc. If I see a stranger on the street and this person is crying uncontrollably, I would go up to that person and see if I could help. I may get cussed and told to mind my own business, but at least I’m willing to try and help. I don’t understand this mentality people have where they think you should be happy 24/7 regardless of whatever bad things you may be dealing with. They also think if you are hurting, you should just “get over it” and move on. If only it was that easy…
I wasn’t on dating sites when I replied to these guys posts, I was in the Strictly Platonic Section of CL, in 2 different cities. God knows the last thing I’m looking for is a replacement when I am still hurting over my ex. I was up front with these guys when we first started emailing that I was dealing with a tough break up and I wasn’t handling it well. They didn’t seem to have a problem with that. It wasn’t until the request for a pic was answered and granted that I got the “brush off”. Maybe they were hoping for something more if the friendship developed further, who knows? If they were then they should have made that clear to me from the beginning. To just reject me though after they saw I wasn’t pretty, just devastated me! I already feel like less than nothing and to know that I can’t even keep friends because I’m not attractive was enough to make me want to give up and kill myself tonight. If I would have had the means for the method I’m planning to use, i wouldn’t be here typing this now. That’s how hurt I am. I will no longer put myself out there to be rejected though. I am not going to look for anymore so called friends. That way there will be fewer ties anyway, when it’s time for me to go.
Have a good night.
Thanks TxDriver. I wish you the same as well.
I am far from perfect. I am a flawed human. I am just starting to recognize all those mistakes I have made in my life with regards to the women in my life. I’ve been so wrong, and walking on the wrong path. I guess I could blame it on society or someone else, but it would be a lie as I was taught how to treat women. I mistreated many, and that now pains me. I have started apologizing to those I’ve hurt.
I think we need to truthful with our intentions with those that we want to care about. Frankly, I think the way we try tricks, and trying not to be desperate is wrong. It is better to hang out together, and genuinely meet the other person. Keep it honest, if after a while you see no connection then don’t try to take advantage of others.
Well i officially feel like an ass…. I will say if online friends are what you want strangely enough you’re in the right place. I’ve met some awesome people on this site.
I think it’s nature vs. nurture. We were raised…
whether to be idiots or geniuses or whatever we are now.
I hope I make a better online friend.