I don’t like it here

  December 8th, 2011 by valnik

Hi,

I don’t like my life. I am fed up with the society, their hunt for career, money, sex, drugs and no more rock n’ roll, but rather Lady Gaga & co.

I don’t like the fact that you have to be very good at something to truly enjoy it > so you have to train hard and overcome many obstacles, which is PITA for me, since I don’t like something that’s totally uncomfortable. This rule doesn’t apply to only a few things, mainly for the pure consuming like watching TV/movies, listening to the music and eating. And if you eat a lot, you become fat, so it’s not a win. Even sex is hard to obtain – you have to “pick up chicks” (from my perspective as a man), be brave, be alpha etc. I don’t wanna have any job. I don’t like any of them. I hate my family, they screwed up my childhood, I was verbally and physically abused and I carry the “bag of repressed anger” with me all the time. I just wanna die, end my apperance in this Hell on Earth, vanish! I have other various reasons (such as being a lazy-ass to become a hermit/survivalist, and being and overall misanthrope etc), these are just few of them to explain why I want to die.

So I have been researching the suicide methods, also reading some topics on this site, and came to conclusion that it’s even hard to die!

Even the “exit bags” aren’t 100%. I don’t wanna end as a “brain damaged vegetable”.  I am afraid to jump from the building – I am afraid of the pain and severe damage of my organs when hitting the ground. Just die while sleeping would be the best – but I don’t think I could obtain such pills (maybe in the past, where some docs could pass me some barbiturates, but now I’ve read it’s too “safe”). I was also considering going skydiving and not opening a parachute – but I am scared i would still be dying slowly and in a crucious pain. And I am not from America, so I can’t just go and buy a gun (I think that would be a very useful method, just put it to my mouth and bang…).

Please, don’t waste your time with BS like “you might hurt the people who care about you”. I don’t give a *** about them. Some of them were caring too much about me that they screwed up my life. We aren’t immortal, so everybody once dies and I don’t want to suffer here for some other 50 years to wait for heart attack, cancer or I don’t know what.

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