Hi,
I don’t like my life. I am fed up with the society, their hunt for career, money, sex, drugs and no more rock n’ roll, but rather Lady Gaga & co.
I don’t like the fact that you have to be very good at something to truly enjoy it > so you have to train hard and overcome many obstacles, which is PITA for me, since I don’t like something that’s totally uncomfortable. This rule doesn’t apply to only a few things, mainly for the pure consuming like watching TV/movies, listening to the music and eating. And if you eat a lot, you become fat, so it’s not a win. Even sex is hard to obtain – you have to “pick up chicks” (from my perspective as a man), be brave, be alpha etc. I don’t wanna have any job. I don’t like any of them. I hate my family, they screwed up my childhood, I was verbally and physically abused and I carry the “bag of repressed anger” with me all the time. I just wanna die, end my apperance in this Hell on Earth, vanish! I have other various reasons (such as being a lazy-ass to become a hermit/survivalist, and being and overall misanthrope etc), these are just few of them to explain why I want to die.
So I have been researching the suicide methods, also reading some topics on this site, and came to conclusion that it’s even hard to die!
Even the “exit bags” aren’t 100%. I don’t wanna end as a “brain damaged vegetable”. Â I am afraid to jump from the building – I am afraid of the pain and severe damage of my organs when hitting the ground. Just die while sleeping would be the best – but I don’t think I could obtain such pills (maybe in the past, where some docs could pass me some barbiturates, but now I’ve read it’s too “safe”). I was also considering going skydiving and not opening a parachute – but I am scared i would still be dying slowly and in a crucious pain. And I am not from America, so I can’t just go and buy a gun (I think that would be a very useful method, just put it to my mouth and bang…).
Please, don’t waste your time with BS like “you might hurt the people who care about you”. I don’t give a *** about them. Some of them were caring too much about me that they screwed up my life. We aren’t immortal, so everybody once dies and I don’t want to suffer here for some other 50 years to wait for heart attack, cancer or I don’t know what.
7 comments
i agree with everything you said, i hate this world , how everything are and i just want to leave too.
i hate this fucking place so much. I don’t like living , so why do i have to live?????
i can’t find a way to kill myself too, i’m afraid i will mess it up like i mess up everything.
I just want to be certain that i will succeed.
i’m stuck here and i hate it. But i hope i will be out soon
i would rather not exist than live in this world. i want to disappear
You’re right, it’s not easy to suicide, it will be hard to die absolutely without pain, but.. you need not to be afraid of it; we’re part of nature n nature is cruel; pain is good for soul, but of course if you have a choice when why to choose the most painfull way.
And why to risk, you can choose not the most risky method (not jump or hang);
everything is risky actually, but some things are more while the others less;
death is a sereous thing which requires a strong decision: if you started suicide, it will be better to finnish because in other case you only suffer, eg, if to poison when to take enough.
Make sure you really want this, it’s sereous, it can have consequences if you fail, but
you need to be prepared for everything, not to be afraid of pain n think about everything before-program yourself positively-expect the best because alot depend on your emotional state, I think.
I also agree with everything you just said. I hate this world (and myself) so much that it’s unbearable living.
I’ve been thinking about suicide for the past two years now but I never had the guts to actually do it. I’m also scared that it will hurt. Of course it will hurt… at least a little.
I just have to stop being such a ***** and do it. I don’t live in the US either and can’t buy a gun just like that. I’m thinking about getting drunk and jump off a really high bridge. That should do it. Or another method I thought about was overdosing on heroine. I never used drugs before so I probably won’t need too much of it. The problem is how am I going to score this heroine… I never bought drugs before, I don’t know where to ask.
Back to the point. I think we’re going to have to accept that killing ourselves will be more or less painful. But isn’t better this way? I mean the pain won’t last for long, and it’s part of the process. We should welcome the experience, this new sensation of pain. That’s how I see it. Like I said, depending on the method you choose, it won’t be painful for a long time.
i feel your pain. im desperate to do it too but like you im affraid and dont want to mess it up and become a vegetable or something.
i think it comes down to will power. if you choose something that once started it hard to back out of then i think it becomes much simpler.
i dont know what way im gonna do it yet either but i know im gonna do it. i am looking for a suicide partner, that way we could support each other and obv do it together.
i think no matter what way is decided theres gonna be a little worry in ya head whether or not u die instantly or if you become seriously hurt or in the worst case scenerio a vegetable.
what suggestions have you come up with?
Suicide is hard. (At least I think it is, and my being able to type this is proof:D)
I have always wanted to be dead. I never remember a time in my life that I wanted to live. I have always wanted to kill myself. But wanting to kill yourself and doing it are vastly different things.
If it were “easy” to kill yourself, the human population might be cut in half overnight.
And shooting your self in the head or something might sound easy, and mechanically speaking is, but it is not.
I actually spent hours and hours with an SKS in my mouth just to get used to the taste of the barrel in my mouth. This because the first time I was “ready” to blow my head off, I chickened out by the mere taste and feeling of having the barrel in my mouth. So I figured if I made the taste and feeling “normal” then pulling the trigger would be “easy”. 😀 Nah, just made the feeling and taste of the barrel in my mouth less distressing the next time I was “ready” to do it. 😀
No matter how “easy” a method you find, you still have to get over that one instant, step across that final line in the sand where there is no turning back. And because God is a sadistic fucker, he has cursed us with “survival instinct” that is very powerful. Your head floods with not how great it would be to be finally dead, but rather every possible scenario where you will fuck it up and actually be worse off and still alive somehow.
If only it were easy…
What’s more, I’ve recently read that it depends on gun(big one is better) whether you succeed, ’cause in other case you’ll bleed to death,gun in a mounth is not a good idea, I think.
Apparently gun in the mouth is not a good idea…I never could get myself to pull the trigger (obviously)
But I have seen pictures of guys who literally blew off their entire face only to be “saved” by doctors before they died. OUCH…add insult to injury!
Yeah, I would imagine that if you were just going to bleed out you might as well go for a big artery shot rather than just flipping one into your head “somewhere”. I just always loved the seemingly instant death like was immortalized in Full Metal Jacket.
“You are gonna’ be in a world of shit….”
“I…am…in…a…world…of…shit…”
POW
That is why I always tried (and failed by choking :D) using my SKS rather than one of my handguns.
On the other hand, a very high powered weapon could make a clean hole missing any important stuff on the way through, while a smaller caliber might bounce around inside your skull increasing your chances of success…I am not sure…