I’m going crazy! I treat others with respect, kindness, and genuine concern for their welfare. Yet I am accused of being sneaky, and being a cheater and a liar. OK, My S.O. is very suspicious of me for no reason other than way back in the past his wife cheated on him and then left him for another man. I’m not HER!!!! I shouldn’t have to pay for her bad behavior. I’m not responsible for the way he feels about what happened to him so many years ago. He acts as if he was burned just yesterday but it was SO many years ago. And I have to take this BS? He’s not the only one who has not trusted me. Looking back over the years, there were a few times people just assumed I was dishonest, disloyal, insincere… WTF? I didn’t give these doubters a reason not to trust me. How can people assume that I am such an asshole, even before they know who I am? Or without evidence accuse of of some BS that never happened? There are so many people without trust in this world. They automatically assume that everyone is out to get them….to screw them over. And they question me as if I am one of the people that screwed them over in their past. So, I’m falsely accused again from someone I love, for no other reason than I can see the good in him…his compassion, his big heart. We have fun when there are no worries between us. There are a number of reasons why I love him. And it breaks my heart that he does not believe in me. He doesn’t trust me. I’m so tired of people’s mistrust toward the world…toward me. I always try to be the best friend that I can be. But that makes paranoid people suspicious of you. And you know what? More than half the population is paranoid! It’s too close to home now. The older I get, the worse it gets because the men I have tried to have a decent relationship with have had more years to get burned and screwed over.
My life is so much more important to me than spending it bickering and fighting over shit that isn’t even real! Never Happened!!! Wasn’t ME!!! I get sick of trying to prove myself, my love, my friendship, my heart and soul. That’s not what a good life is to me. If this is all it cracks up to be…at this age… I’m nearing 50…then I can truly say it hasn’t been worth the effort at all. Why bother? What’s it worth? Why try to give your love to anyone who can’t accept it for what it is? No motives, no BS, just love. The sad thing is, most people have gone through so much pain that they close their eyes to the love that is offered to them by others. I’m one who is ultrasensitive to this because I know what it’s like to be doubted, questioned, tried and convicted when I am innocent. Isn’t there any one left who feels the way I do?
1 comment
Stop worrying about what other people think and stop trying to please everyone. Be your own best friend. Start learning to trust in you, your inner voice, your spirit. You will find once you are strong and self-assured, people are drawn to you, only you probably won’t need then anymore… Because you have you.