Can’t Stand This

I hate highschool, can”t be around any of my friends anymore. They bother me beyond belief and they don’t understand that I’m trying to do something for myself, I’m trying to be better I don’t want these thoughts anymore and they don’t seem to understand that I’m tired of always seeing them and being left out. People make me feel terrible about myself, constantly degrading my life, what am I supposed to do? My “best friend” is honestly the worst person I know. She thinks only of herself and never considers my feelings or burdens. It sucks and I have no idea what to do along with failing classes so I might not be able to get into the University I want. I would just like to go somewhere else, maybe it will make a difference, maybe it won’t but I have to try. It seems pointless to me to always feel that life is worthless, if it was then where is the purpose of it. Makes the situation a lot more difficult when everything’s against, in your eyes that is. I would like to spend my days reading and writing amazing stories in a small house near the ocean, with a garden full of blooming flowers. This is my dream and I wonder, if I ever have the privilege of receiving such a gift, would it make me happy? Does it make me a bad perso  to want to try, to the best of my abilities, and create this dream for myself and still cut myself? I’m not sure what I should do anymore.