i finally told the woman i have known for 7 years that i have feeling for her. i really thought it would have worked out, she made me truly happy for the first time since… i don’t even remember. we used to talk a few times a week, some times for hours from late at night into the morning. and sadly, she doesn’t feel the same way, and on top of that, she pretty much said she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. she used to tell me that i was one of her closest friends, and she can’t even begin to describe how much she appreciates having me around. and now… this. how did this even happen?? am i so desperate for some sort of connection that i keep getting jerked around like this?
i was never really a happy person, and there are lots and lots of problems i dont feel like describing at the moment that made me try to OD multiples times a few years back. and then i started talking to her more, and it really was one of the main reasons that stopped me (i don’t think she realized). we were both dealing with depression and problems, and i did my best to help her through, while it felt like she did the same. even when i found out an ex girlfriend who i thought was the love of my life is getting married next spring, i wasn’t driven over the edge like i expect. because she was around, because… i happier than i ever thought i could have been.
i thought the day before christmas eve would have been a good idea to tell her, we spent days together before that, talking and doing things that seemed almost like dating. then… when i finally got the courage to tell her my feelings, she avoided the subject, telling me she doesn’t want to ruin our friendship. i wrote her an email explaining why i said what i said, and how much she meant to me, and how i felt. then.. i got a cold reply, saying she was sorry there was any misunderstanding, and it is possibly her fault. she only ever thought of me as a friend, and she would avoid misleading me in the future completely, and we shouldn’t talk anymore at least for awhile.
well. what a great christmas. and when i only need someone to talk about this, the only two people i am comfortable talking about this with are.. two of my ex girlfriends actually, how fucked up and dysfunctional is my life. they both don’t feel like talking to me at the moment. one of them was still cheery and hanging out with me one day, and suddenly ignores me when i mentions this girl. the other one is pissed off at me for doing something i completely didn’t do. what the fuck. why do i always end up talking to crazy fucking people. nothing good i do matters anyway, because in the end, they only remember how i fucked up, how i pissed them off. not the times when i was there, for them, when they really needed someone, and no one else was willing to help them the way i did. this is fucked up, i want every one of these people out of my life. i think i have took enough bullshit, i deserve a rest.
7 comments
From a female perspective, and I am sure you couldn’t give a sh!t about it right now, but she probably enjoyed your companionship and the emotional intimacy you shared without mucking it up with physical intimacy. Physical intimacy for a woman is different than for a man. It’s almost like a violation if you do not completely trust the person 100%. It’s really hard for men to understand this. Having her as a friend was BETTER than having her as a lover. Lovers hurt each other and destroy the trust needed to have intimacy. Then it is just physical and that is really scary.
thanks hbmom. i appreciate your insight into the situation.
Hello
the female commentator is right. What happens man, is that JUST friendship between man and woman is impossible. It is impossible because it is not the biological program of female and male. There is a force that drives one towards completion for perpetuation. Nearly in all of the cases, when they talk about Friendship, it is friendship for the woman and “more” for the man, as per expectations.
If you observe women, they talk all the time. They are extremely needy creatures for permanent talking, whether on their mobile or at work or anywhere. Men are different, they can be locked up in a cupboard for a week and walk out stretching themselves, while a woman would have hung herself.
We men are automatically attracted by nearly any woman and if turns out that that woman we got was in special need of emotional support, then we develop false expectations. What happens in your case, is that precisely because of your sensitized hear and feelings, you are like a magnet for those kind of women who automatically identify you as someone caring and sensitive, but they also fail at anticipating that you were looking for something else. I dont mean sex, I mean a deeper relationship.
So it is an ill starred relationship from the beginning.
To make things clearer for your understanding. Positive guys with a hearty optimistic healthy character get the best girls, the girls who want fun and bring fun, whereas the sensitive guys like you and me, attract the troubled women, only to end up worse off than at the beginning.
Life is that ironically unfair. The best get the best, while those bad (I include myself there) get only more troubles. However, if you can pull yourself out and “optimize” yourself, you will enjoy better female relationships.
regards
O
@oracle, so what would you say if a girl, such as myself, who can be talkative but also enjoys silence (ah, sweet silence) has a few troubles, but in the public eye appears cheery, only attracts terrible guys? Sorry for that horrible run-on sentence.
By terrible guys, I don’t mean sensitive guys. I mean scary, creepy guys.
@liquidsunn, I’m sorry about what you went through. However, as a female, I can relate to that situation. Only wanting friendship. Perhaps oracle is right and men and women can’t be “just” friends. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit, so drop them like a hot potato. And don’t give up, you’ll find your girl.
Conclusion: don’t give women 100% what they want. Women (heck, even most people, men or women!) love curiosity so she can keep chasing you. If u give everything to her, there is no more “mystery” and curiosity left in you for her to keep thinking of you and pursuing you. Ironic I know,..but that seems to be the nature hard-wired thing.
Maybe that’s why this humanity/world is full of all kind of ‘unfair’ things like trickeries, tricks, lies, go-getters, etc etc..
Sometimes I want to blame it in our human’s Nature. The way we’re ‘created’.
No wonder this world is not/never a perfect place..
thanks everyone for the comments, sorry i can’t really find the right words to respond at the moment, but i really appreciate all the responses.
well, even though you dont want to talk to crazt fucked up people, i still wanted to comment that, you need a brake, as a female, i know that under some surcomestances
(sorry about miss spellings) we can be bitches