I mean when I was in highschool I was pretty popular, I had friends and girls all over me. I was captain of the wrestling team and was benchpressing 300 lbs when I weighed 135, I honestly thought I was the shit. Now 6 months after graduating I’m a complete loner, my best friend is my phone. I have no friends, i can’t think of anything to say to anybody so I can honestly go days withought talking. I started skipping college because I was so awkward around people, and the only thing I would do is go to the park and watch movies on Netflix. I can’t even have a conversation with my parents, im getting dropped from school, about to be fired from my job, and I haven’t had one happy day since I graduated. Suicide is the only way out, I don’t want to do it, actually I’m terrified, but it’s always on my mind from the time I wake up until I’m having nightmares about it that night. I can’t take it. Every second of my day I’m sad, depressed and thinking about what I did so bad to deserve this. I’m planning on driving 11 hours to Florida tonight, spending the week there, then sitting in my car and burn some charcoal so I’ll be killed by carbon monoxide.
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Is there no way out except death? Maybe you should try to find happiness without depending on other people. I am currently trying that. My best wishes with whatever you choose.
It must be terrible to have experienced success and popularity and then to end up alone feeling worthless.
I think the best thing you can do is to make peace with your past, accept that it is gone, but think about why you felt good back then, what made you happy, what did you do right? There must be a lot to learn for you from back then about why life was good. Stuff you can use now, as you try to build a new life.
Also, try to get to know yourself again. You’ve probably changed, get to know the new you. Respect the fact that you feel insecure around others, find other environments or ways in which to fulfill your social needs.
If you had success in sports, maybe that’s a good environment for you.
And to take your mind of yourself, try doing some volunteering or charity work. Sometimes it can actually help to be confronted with the fact that there are worse off people than yourself…
I had so much trouble after I left school, I’ve spent a decade trying to put myself back together. And so have many of my friends. It can be really painful, but also meaningful and rewarding.
Do you feel up for it?
Seems part of you is in doubt so it may be a better choice to stay alive.
Death is an end to all things and possibilities.
Work on it one day at a time.
Relax, try to find things you enjoy and someone you can share your thoughts with freely and openly.
Hopefully things improve for you.
It’s funny how when we’re in the sh.. and things r going in what seems an unfavorable direction we beat ourselves up…to add to things. I’d leave out the judgment so as to at least give you some perspective. My phone is my best friend to…I find it awkward to talk to people, I wish my relationship with my gf was more traditional but I don’t experience a whole lot of control with respect to that.
In the last 8 (going on 9) years of my life, I’ve learned to love myself. A big challenge for me…we’re not taught it so how r we supposed to know how. So for what it’s worth, I thought I’d share that with you. Despite what my reality is, I play it close to the chest and I keep lovin’ me…cause me is all I got, and that’s okay! You’ll find the more you resist whatever is going on, the worse things get, so as best you can, bob and weave, and flow with it….it’s all good…the good, the bad, the ugly….be an observer. Best of luck to you. People on this forum best realize that love…especially during their transition into the afterlife is very important. The most powerful force in the universe. Hope this resonates with you on some level.