This may sound like im moaning about my life or just over exaggerating. But i need somebody to hear exactly what is going through my head and let me know (truthfully) if im making the right decision.
my life started perfect, i had a mum, dad older brother , a couple of dogs and a beautiful home. This was fine until i turned 7. My brother died of leukaemia when he was 10 and i was 7. A few months after this my parents went through hell of a break up which involved me being forced to video my dad ultimately hurting my mum. My dad moved away and married my mums best friend and my mum met the man of my nightmares. My stepdad was/is a raging alcoholic which is violent at the best of times.
At 17 i moved out into my (at the time) boyfriends. This was one of the only good choices i made. we eventually moved out of his parents and got our own place, got engaged and planned to have a happy life. However he already had a child with a girl that was making him choose between his daughter and me. So that started problems although i thought we were still ok.
Yesterday i woke up and headed out for the weekly shop, I came home to find my boyfriend had gone along with his belongings. He had moved back to his parents as he said he cant cope.
Right now im sittin here in a house i will have to move out of due to not being able to afford rent in 5 days. I have just lost the only person that ever gave a crap about me and i have no family. Im currently trying to be a student which hasnt gone so well due to the messing around when i was a kid. I have no life plans, no money and nobody that cares.
I feel my life has now finished, im dead inside so whats the point in putting myself through more pain which is also known as life. Im thinking to myself to wait a few more days however is it really worth a few more days of this?
I wont know any of the people that comment on here but for somebody to even acknowledge the fact im still here wouldnt change my mind in leaving but would atleast put a smile on my face for the last few hours i have left.
6 comments
I acknowledge your existence and wish you would not end your life.
okay.
As far as I can see your immediate problem is money, to pay rent and to feed yourself. I think you can set aside your feelings for a boyfriend who has left you in this situation, if not permanently, at least temporarily until you have sorted your immediate situation. I also think you will have to set aside any thoughts of education for the time being. I think you will have to find work very quickly and that probably won’t be easy in the current economic climate. You’re not alone in this – I am here because I am in a broadly similar situation. I have been unable to find work. You might be luckier. You owe yourself the chance to give it a try.
In the meantime, I think you should track down your boyfriend and demand that he provides you with at least one month’s rent – you can always promise to pay it back later after you’ve found a job.
Sit down and make a list of your options, however remote they appear, and act on them methodically. Remove all thoughts of shame and self-harm from your mind while you are doing this.
Failing all this, you could make an unsuccessful suicide attempt and present yourself to the authorities as a fait accompli – they may be obliged to help you in such circumstances.
I know it must be very difficult for you, a shock. But you had the resilience to quit one terrible situation with your parents; you can do it again. I sympathise more than you can know.
I hope you choose not to end your life…
If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.
So are others.
I’m not suicidal, but still…I’m truly sorry for all that has happened to you–it’s not your fault…
If you want help with school–I know, a deep conversation about life and death, and I bring up something as middling as school–I’d love to help…
Or, again, if you just feel like venting, please.
Just know, people DO know you exist, and care, and hope you pull through.
17 and out on your own, its big mean nasty world only if thats what I’m seeing. causeways right about the money situation. I hate money when I need it I love money whan I don’t have to have it.
Check some of the listings on the net for room rentals not apartments, where you would share utilities. I live with a Guetamaln spanish dud from south america, way cool, I recieve social sercurity dissability.
I use Craiglist, I think its world wide postings, your where ? the UK ?
the truth is im scared of being alone.. if im not here then i wont be scared. i wont have any feelings, thats what i want
Everyone is alone to a certain degree – none of us know when the person we love or trust will betray us. It has happened to me more times than I care to remember. I’m really annoyed about your problem because people owe you – your boyfriend, your mom, your dad…
Can you speak to your mom without alerting your step-dad?
Pester them for help, and in the future make sure you have s small pot of cash for emergencies.
Even if the worst comes to the worst, there are sure to be shelters or a hostel nearby where you can get cheap temporary accommodation while you find a room.
I know you don’t want to feel any more pain. That’s a defence mechanism and it takes years and some horrible experiences to develop it.