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Just so damn scared

by OneLastSunset

Goddammit…I just test fired the gun to make sure it was working..it does. That just scared the hell out of me. I cannot keep living like this..my fucking wife and daughter are gone..for fucking ever and I cant fucking do this..but fuck…Im just to goddamkn scared of pulling the trigger

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14 comments

irspow 12/8/2011 - 6:27 pm

It sucks I know. Sat there with my guns so many times wanting so bad to have the courage to do it….never managed…so I cannot tell you how to beat the “survival instinct”. Sorry.

I wish you peace…

OneLastSunset 12/8/2011 - 6:30 pm

I cannot tell you how unbearably bad it hurts knowing i’ll never see my daughter again…or wife..

Heartless25 12/8/2011 - 6:36 pm

i didn’t have the courage to pull it either… i wanted to though

irspow 12/8/2011 - 6:43 pm

No one can truly understand what any other person feel inside or truly convey to another what they feel inside. What is within us cannot exist outside, it is ours and ours only. I would not even pretend to know that I understand what you feel. But just knowing that you want to die is enough to feel empathy.

To lose someone that you love, a special person who gives meaning and purpose to this otherwise ridiculous “life” that we experience, is horrible. Love is beautiful and having a true connection with another is possibly the greatest thing that one can experience here. To lose that…just horrible.

Nothing I can say could heal that wound, or fill that void, but I can say as a human being that I wish that you did not have to, no one had to, suffer this life. I wish you, and everybody, could find “happiness” in this existence.

Again, I wish you peace in any way that you think that you can find it.

OneLastSunset 12/8/2011 - 6:47 pm

I just keep looking over at the stairs and remembering all the times I carried my daughter down them…god..this is absolutley unbearable..and i look at the ring I bought for my wife..oh god..god

Procel 12/8/2011 - 9:51 pm

Jeasus man im sorry to hear about the wife and ur wee barn. Think about the good times and only the good times, skip over the bad, if u cant have them there to physically comfort you allow the ghosts that live in youre memmories of them to hold u and in time u will be ready to let them go. in time…

Would ye explain the logic to me of buying a gun? i never saw the necessity, there again u cant buy them here but all they do is make stuff worse not better

OneLastSunset 12/8/2011 - 10:18 pm

Thinkinf of the good times hurts too much…it just makes you want them back all the more..she was a year old and the most beautiful,adorable kid ever…And ‘ve had the gun for a long time

crying on the inside 12/8/2011 - 11:36 pm

What happened to your wife and daughter? 🙁

OneLastSunset 12/9/2011 - 12:08 am

Car accident. Lots of rain..slid off the road

crying on the inside 12/9/2011 - 12:14 am

Oh god thats horrible im so sorry 🙁 (hugs)

mwtele 12/9/2011 - 12:22 am

i was gonna do it twice but i told people. i don’t wanna die. but i want the pain to go away. i don’t know why i keep holding on. something keeps me here. ask yourself that. there must be something. you can’t see it or here it or feel it. but it’s there. somewhere.

OneLastSunset 12/9/2011 - 12:30 am

No. It’s not..my daughter is gone..I will never see her again..or my wife. the only thing holding me back is fear..putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger is damn scary

caucajun32 12/9/2011 - 3:19 am

i keep a loaded 45 next to me while sleeping, I will have to do this someday, yet when ?

U.N. Owen 12/9/2011 - 11:34 am

My heart tgoes out to you.
I understand as much as a person outside you can.
The pain of losing a wife and daughter .. must be horrendous.
I lost a son myself.

@caucajun… welcome back.

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