Just Write

i get up without fully awakening
unsure of how to stay
by the minutes i can only fade
the taste in my mouth
always different than the last
an unfamiliar world
but somehow same in contrast
familiar in the way it looks so scared
it's a reflection that conveys
the center of my soul; my heart
rejection will always break me apart

look there i can see my limited words
and gestures are taken out of
context in all aspects everywhere
to think a leap of faith is a dive into death
i try to jump but get held back
these lines are what i think to feel
they keep me grounded especially
with their weight weighing heavily
i now know i am real
and to fall isn't the end but i've gotten close
my last breath hasn't been let out
yet i still wish and hope
although foolish i may be
how come i can't
love a part of what's within me

doubts arise while i climb and climb
little beliefs dangle on a string
a thread made up of lies and trickery
with one step at a time
slip ups are the expected destinations
with one line at a time
i write whatever it is that comes to mind
the process long and hard
like keeping up with a mental retard

when i begin to tire,
that is cue for you to spill
so your blue compassion wills me
to feel whenever you softly speak
filling my exhaustion underneath
a lost dog looking for a lost wishbone
i begin to seek
throughout the winter months
cold solid weakness grows
they tell me i'll just have to deal
now all i know is low
that of which is true and real