now im just afraid

of the pain. I have to go, no question about that. I have to kill myself soon. I can’t live anymore. It hurts so much to think about the future, the absolute emptiness of it all. I want so much but I can’t have any of it so I’ve been trying to live without, trying to live a minmal life. I’m just an animal afterall and everything we have today is just extra fluff on top of the gift that is existence. Nothing says I have to have lots of cash, fast cars, faster women. What hurts is that I can’t even obtain the basics, lieka girlfriend, a job I like; there’s no peace for me. There’s no peace at all, everything takes so long. I want to throw my life away it hurts and I want to cry and I’m getting closer to that point. It hurts so much just being this human shell. There’s nothing inside, I don’t feel any connection. My brother, I love you and chico the cat I love you too but it’s not enough. I can’t live through you two alone. I can’t live period. I can’t do this, I can’t I can’t I can’t. I can’t be a human being and I can’ty live in spite of them. I’m wrong just so fucking wrong. Somebody help me figure this out. Work all day and go home to nothing. Don’t even have a home; I’m staying with my mother until I can find another apartment. I go back to her home where my youngest brother lives and we hang out together and it’s the only happiness I have all fucking day, that 2 hours or so that we spend together before his bedtime. Then it’s back to nothing, putrid life living. It’s not enough, it’s enough. I can’t go on like this. Someone give me the words and encouragement I need to kill myself, I need the push, I need to go. I don’t want to be all talk anymore. Death is all I want anymore. Can’t love anyone the way love is defined so fuck it; let me go. Let me die. Kill me, will you?
Too many voices and conflicting opinions in my head, I’m so tired, help