I know i’m not the only one whose life is messed up but i’ll just get it over with and tell the story…
It started it out when i was in 8th grade, my mom started to cheat on my dad, which i promised her i wouldn’t tell. (bad idea)It got worse, I later found out that my dad had depression not only him but my older sister and then there’s me. My dad got obsessed with my mom until she decided to leave him not only did it made him sad but it made him suicidal. I feared for him mostly because I later found out that he’d already planned his attempt to hang himself to the ceiling. It effected my older sister the most. she tried killing herself 7 times. Her 7th attempt had failed and it caused her being locked up in a mental hospital. It made it worse for me, that’s where i started cutting myself and taking drugs. My dad was to busy worrying about other things that he didn’t even noticed me. The only person i had was the littlest member of our family who was my young sister. I thought she was the strongest mostly because she didn’t let the problems interfere with her school work. As for me i ended up not graduating on time and later had to go to summer school.
Freshmen year no one knew me. I was known as a freak because i would constantly dye my hair a different color and i sometimes forget that i had cuts on my arms that people would easily notice them. Teachers cut concerned about my behavior that they thought i should talk to someone about my problems, i refused. Councilors decided to pay me a visit and give me stern talking to. I decided to take matters into my hands. I’ve already planned my own attempt. A simple slit through the veins would do it. And now that i’m a sophomore all i can do is watch what happens. Until then i’m just waiting for the right time. Don’t think i’m trying to get any attention i’m only looking for reasons to live so i hope you’ll understand me and not judge.
1 comment
I have to say that I don’t know what it’s like to be surrounded by so much pain. My family life is rough, but I’m mostly the subject of minor emotional abuse and the rest of my family is fine…that has to be bad.
But I do know what it’s like to be searching for reasons to keep carrying on…some small part of life that makes it worth living, and it’s hard. I’m working on that myself, but some of the things I’ve found so far that help are music, my (few) remaining friends, and every once in a while I feel good enough to actually help someone…someone like me who’s gripping at straws, trying to find a reason. And if it has helped them, given them some sliver of an incentive to stay alive for a few more days, it was worth being here for a few more days myself.
I don’t think anyone here is going to judge you or think you’re looking for attention either. Most of us are here for the same reason as you.