Short Term Happiness

You’re probably going through an emotional coma, where you find it unable to allow yourself to just be happy because of “perpetrator thoughts” so to speak. You’re finding excuses to question and limit your natural will to feel at ease, even with someone who means the world to you. Why prolong it? Because it’s not what you really want, it’s just the ultimatum you give yourself. If you really, really wanted it, believe me, you’d be dead. This wouldn’t even be a concern for you.

If you’re happy with him, then let it be! All relationships go through their ups and downs, it’s less cliche than it sounds. Now if you have depression, it’s okay, many, the majority of people do, and if it’s hurting your relationship, it’s something you need to address with him. Look for ways to cope, maybe some sort of alternative therapy (like a distraction, anything) if traditional therapy isn’t your thing. Sometimes just talking about it with your partner helps. We all go through our things, but it’s great that you have found someone who has made you reconsider (or at least feel prolong the thoughts of) suicide, even if the depressive thoughts have returned. Don’t let the depression haunt you to exhaustion and win. Sometimes we need to let go and move on, even if it’s a little harder than it sounds.