sorry i havent emailed people i told i would. ive been kind of depressed..
life is so confusing. people around me are so blind to what is real. that is, happy people. i look around myself and see all the emptiness, all the sadness deep inside some people’s shadowing souls. my heart is enlightened by the sight of the blood on my wrist when i inflict myself, and it scares me. it scares me more than loneliness, because i dont mind the loneliness so much anymore. its enjoyable now to sit in my room and think of depressing thoughts and look up suicide methods and cut more an cry and sleep, listen to music, watch tv shows, cut more, all by myself.
4 comments
You are not alone. A lot of people feel like you do and there are plenty right here on this blog. Life feels really empty sometimes, especially at the holidays because you are EXPECTED to do this and that and feel this way or that way. Life is hard, no doubt about it, but it does get better when you get a little older. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are in high school or middle school, you are living through the absolute hardest part of your life, BAR NONE. It does get better, I swear.
i know how u feel, seeing everyone happy around u, friends dont even notice everything in your life, and u just want to hide in your room and forget all the pain. its a never ending cycle of pain and seclusion. i used to do this, and wonder why nobody wanted to hang out with me, then a friend moved in and she came into my room every day and tried snapping me out of it, and bring me places. now i look back and wonder what i was doing, if u dont go out there and try and change something in your life it will only get worse. u have to do something if u want it all to get better
but thats the thing, i dont know what to do to get better, btw im 16. and yeah this is like the worst part of my life. ive been depressed for 4 years now, until a few months ago ive been suicidal. i was born into a christian family andi used to be a strong christian, but now i dont even want to believe in god, but i know he’s real. there really is a heaven and hell. everything happens for a reason, and im starting to think that maybe i was meant to commit suicide, and be depressed like this for the next few years until i do. i dont know what purpose it will serve but thats what i believe.
maybe..but if you believe in a heaven and hell, why would this god want you to kill yourself? all of the christians that i know all talk about this god,, and he is supposed to be all loving. He wouldnt do this to you, if it wasnt for an even higher reason