I’ve been thinking about my life a lot over the past 24 hours. Â And I just don’t see the point of it. Â The weird thing is that I’m not depressed (just a little sad) but mostly I’m resigned to the fact that my life is unbelievably shitty and has been for 45 years. Â So why do I continue to subsist? Â It just doesn’t make sense anymore. Â I have nothing! Â I have no job, no career, Â no husband, no boyfriend, no loving, supportive family, no money, huge debt, a few friends but none of whom live near me because I’ve recently relocated – hoping to get a new start in life. Also, my friends have busy lives of their own so I can’t really count on them being there, which I understand. Â The only positive thing in my life right now is my cat whom I adore and is keeping me from checking out because who else would care for her. Â When the cons outweigh the pros, doesn’t that tell you something? Â The other thing keeping me from checking out is that I’m afraid I’ll screw it up again. Â I wish I could see a reason for living. Â Mostly I think I’m being punished for something that I did in a past life. Â It must have been something truly awful because I’m getting the shit kicking out of me in this life. Â Okay, rant over! Â Thanks for listening.
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Well, I was typing this for something else…sort of applicable…maybe?
The meaningless life is not worth living, as mere “life†its own, with nothing else present to color it with meaning and importance, is utterly unimportant, void, empty, and meaningless.
This is not, however, meant as a gloomy or grim proclamation or view of life, nor is it intended to be taken as something contrite or disturbing. Rather, is meant to serve as the first, primary, grounding assertion of this work, upon which all the rest is built upon. We begin with the barest bedrock of empty nothingness, but there is, indeed, something in that nothingness, namely its ability to be influenced and turned from nothing to something—our foundations here are those of boundless potential.
Life is, by itself, void, and without meaningful form—it is for man to create that for himself.
Let that stand as a slogan to be trumpeted for the new Age of Enlightenment in which we find ourselves today.
That being said, there is a second reason for this declaration being placed so prominently and voiced so vehemently from the very beginning, that being the structure and nature of the statements above. If we are to take one, that is, if we are to accept that life is meaningless or, to be perhaps more precise and charitable, “void†of any intrinsic “meaning†in and of itself, we must take the other, subsequent claim, namely, that it is left to us, to ourselves, as human beings, to realize both the void as well as the potential that lays before us, and, summarily, act upon both accordingly. If life is by itself without any inherent or “natural†meaning, if follows and falls upon us that not only is it put to us to grant ourselves the sort of being and significance we crave—indeed, that, quite possibly, we require—but, indeed, it is put directly to us, mandated in a sense, either by our own collective consciousness or else a created sense of desire that we now, as a species, have become addicted to and simply cannot quit or shirk, and with good reason. This sense, one of “purpose†in life, is a powerful force, one that, as we stand genetically as “animals,†allows us still to elevate ourselves (or at least potentially elevate ourselves, as we have all seen those among us who would abuse this invention of “purpose†in order control or inflict harm upon others, and thus debase ourselves as a people and as a race) in another sense altogether. Man, ultimately, is to become his own invention, and created in the image of his own imagination and sense of significance and importance; the assertion of such an ideal is, comparatively speaking, simple, set against the task of one’s fully examining and, hopefully, accepting the truth of this claim.
I may say “hopefully†here, as the resultant picture of humanity that follows in the wake of such a claim above—a claim that may both be seen as cleansing and shattering, depending on one’s own background and point of view—is, after all, one of both potential and the realization of that potential through the realization of the revised envisioning of the self. Souls become swaths of paint, minds merry brushes, and personal identity, the identity of humanity itself, becomes a blank canvas, awaiting conception and creation.
Not sure what the point is, though do believe that there is something our souls are supposed to learn while in the physical realm of life.
Yeah, pets are really hard to leave, I hadn’t seen my mother in almost a yr. left town wafter a suicide attempt. Any way left a cat at moms. I walked in sat on the couch where the cat was sleeping, started to pet him, he slowly woke up as I stroked his belly. When Lucky’s eyes opened up and realized it was me, he just crawled all over me.
There are pet rescues, …….. I would think if i had pets I would make arraingments, leave some phone numbers of people you think might take a pet.
@Sherlock
Didn’t you spot the fucking minus sign, debt?
@Sherlock, don’t want to sound mean or anything, but oh my god that was a VERY wordy post. I could hardly get through it. Maybe it’s because I’m tired..
@sneezy, I’m sorry things aren’t working out for you. I don’t know if I believe in past lives, it could be. But sometimes good people get dealt a shitty hand in life. And if you feel like you can’t go on, please don’t leave your kitty all alone. I hope things start looking up for you. :]
@causeway, Hi. How are you doing? You seem kinda angry there…
Hi goodgirl, no, I’m not doing so good today. I didn’t mean to be rude to Sherlock and I hope he doesn’t take it that way.
I hope you are okay.
Yeah, I’m not too good today either, causeway. I’m in a bad mood. Sleep deprived. Low patience.
I don’t think Sherlock would take it the wrong way, but you might have scared him off for now. lol
Bah. Sherlock shouldn’t be here anyway. I’m afraid we might rub off on him. That’d be just sad.
Sorry you’re not feeling so good. Sleep-deprived, yes, I know that one. Low patience, check. Hang in there – you’re braver than I.
I am having trouble replying to sneezy’s post because she seems to be in the utmost despair, in a bad place which I have marked as a destination for myself. And her post frightens me very much for that reason. You see what vicious cycle we enter into when we decide to take our lives; even comfort and solace are abused to become punishment.
🙁
@Purmi, I was actually thinking that same thing. That we’d rub off on him. I hope not.
I don’t know about brave, causeway. Just at a different point than you.
When I read sneezy’s post I thought of you right away. It sounds like what you’re going through. If it makes you feel any better my reply was stupid. I didn’t know what to say, sorry sneezy.
oh bravegoodgirl, the thing I like most about you is that you are the answer to someone’s dreams – that person just hasn’t dreamed of you yet. I really do envy that person a certain night’s sleep.
In a way I am a little further along than sneezy. And in other ways trailing behind. I am a little confused about the fact that she still values things such as career, husband and family, though I very much share her fear of money and its power to destroy. I have long since abandoned any idea of love or relationships or intimacy of any kind and have replaced them with articles which are utterly faithful if not loving – books and films and music. This sort of replacement therapy can work with almost everything, except debt and money. And I suspec tit is debt and money that will win the day and do for us both.
Aw, causeway, don’t make me blush. Is time travel possible? Or maybe alternate universes? Perhaps you could go back in time to say, 1991, and be born here in the states. Haha.
So apparently sneezy has a little more hope than you do? You know what sucks about debt and money? The fact that if it were not for the failing world economy, you and sneezy and I and countless others on here could actually get jobs and this would make us at least somewhat happier. It wouldn’t fix everything. But it would be somehing. Some rich bastard is getting his jollies off right now with his billion dollar bonus and everyone else is thinking about killing themselves. How fucked up is that? “He” fucked everything up, and everyone else has to suffer. NOW, I’m really pissed.
Oh, I forgot to say, I too have been using films, books, and music as an escape from reality.
When I am gone I want you to look up a little time travel story by F.M Busby called ‘If This is Winnetka You Must Be Judy’.
In 1991 I was in my first year of university and had my first and most disastrous love affair.
That’s the only consoling feature of this world – in a better age when money was not so dominant there were great writers and artists and musicians and film-makers whose work was often superb. It would take a lifetime to scratch just the surface of their achievement; that’s the only reason I live now – to enjoy as much of their work as I can before I’m done. That’s the only advice I can give to sneezy – to substitute.
A job would be wonderful.
Why does it have to be when you’re gone? What’s wrong with reading it now?
Did she break your heart causeway? Whatta *****.
I’ve never been in love. I thought I was in love with a friend of mine, and when he told me (over AIM no less) that he started dating this other girl I cried for an hour straight. It only took me a week to get over it. That’s not love. Besides I’m actually glad I didn’t go out with him, he was a tool bag.
I wonder what those people would say if they knew that they were keeping you alive.
If you had a job, would you hold on longer?
lol, you can read Busby’s story whenever you like, joyous and sad it is. It’s been out of print for years, so I’m not sure where you’ll find a copy. I may have an ebook somewhere.
She broke it, yes, but she made it clear she intended to do so and I let her. I thought I could reconstruct myself into something she would prefer – so I let her play Frankenstein with me. I’m glad you realised your friend was a ‘tool bag’ – boy, did he miss out.
I think a job would help, a lot. At least I could earn and it would buy me time.
I just started reading it online, haha. Just used google. Google is so handy. I’m only 3 pages in, the part where he wants to rescue the “fat drunk”. Hah.
Aw, I’m sorry. If only you realized..
I’m also kind of a heartbreaker. I don’t enjoy it, but I seem to only get asked out by weirdos. Let’s see; there’s a former Neo-Nazi turned born again Christian who tried to convert me, a guy with serious mental health issues that turned a knife on his sister and mother, a guy I met on MySpace a long time ago through a mutual friend that wanted to “meet me at the mall” (that very same day I talked to him mind you) Yeah, sure, okay. I must have a huge sign on my forehead that says “Creepy guys need apply”. There’s been a couple of nicer guys, but that I only saw as friends. I didn’t want to let them down, but I didn’t feel the same. On the other hand, with anyone I like, they’re usually already taken. And I’m not the homewrecking type.
Yes, there’s time. All the time in the world. Time enough at last. Sorry couldn’t help quoting a Twilight Zone episode. :]
Happy you found a copy. The story is rather complicated; it took me several readings to fit all the pieces together, but it really is very profound the way it snips a life into segments and it gives you some idea of the cause and effect of our life choices.
I’m glad your a heartbreaker – better than not being one. And it will be useful at times. You don’t need any of those guys, and you don’t need to rush into any relationship. It will all come together for you if you’re patient, if you work hard and put a little thought and consideration into everything you do.
I love TTZ – I’ve read most of the original stories – they appeared in magazines like Astounding and Galaxy, of which I have a pretty good collection. I guess the local charity store will be delighted to get them after……….. oh dear.
Yeah, I was really confused at first, but it’s starting to come together. I’ll probably have to read it a couple times to fully understand it. Time travel IS complicated.
Well, that makes me feel better about it. Who needs em? I don’t. Christ, who knows where I’d be right now if I had accepted any of those guys.
Me too, love it. I haven’t read any of them, but I’ve seen all of the episodes. I hated the updated version they had on tv a few years ago. I watch them every New Year’s when they play a marathon on the SYFY channel. Do you get that channel in Ireland?
How about selling them for some extra cash?
We do get the syfy channel here but I won’t give my money to Rupert Murdoch for his Sky package, so I just download anything I want to watch. The magazines are worth a little money, not very much; some issues are worth more than others. I am actually quite industrious about selling; I’ve made about £600 on ebay this past month. But that only goes towards paying my way daily and not towards clearing my debt. I am waiting to hear if I’ll have to go to court over it – as you can imagine, it’s very stressful and I couldn’t really stand the humiliation of going to court and seeing it reported in local papers etc… I really rather be dead.
I like the way you say ‘time travel IS complicated’ like it’s just one of those things.
Don’t you know? I time travel regularly. I’m quite the anomaly. ;]
Ah, Rupert Murdoch. Another rich bastard.
Another thing, the change to syfy, over scifi, makes me cringe every time I see it.
Yeah, I guess selling magazines wouldn’t pay very much. Just thought since you wouldn’t, ahem, be needing them anymore…why not get money out of it? You know screw charity!
/sarcasm.
Could you claim bankruptcy? Don’t really know too much about it, but a cousin of mine recently had to claim bankruptcy not being able to pay her debts.
You mean you’re a temporal anomaly – I quite agree.
I have other things it would be more rewarding and profitable to sell. I have my lifetime collection of 1st editions; and quite a few original vinyl LPs; selling is difficult especially in the recession, but if I can cut a deal to pay off a certain amount weekly, without the neccessity of going to court, then I may just save my life. But that decision is out of my hands.
I think everyone finds themselves in some sort of serious trouble at some point in their life; it’s my turn, and I’m handling it badly. I care nothing now for the suffering I had in the past over love affairs and jobs and friendships; when a real crisis comes along, something which may affect your liberty or your life, you recognise all those things for the nonsense they were. sneezy would know this very well (this is her thread and I feel very guilty hijacking it – I really should start my own story thread).
Have a good evening, goodgirl, you’ve been very kind and helpful and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know – it’s the sleeping hour over here, if I can get any that is.
Right.
So you know the court date is coming, it’s just a matter of when. First and last time I’ll be praying since declaring myself and atheist: O, God’s of the court be lenient on causeway. Amen.
It’s shit that you have to sell your collections. But it’s just stuff, right?
Well, really, it’s my fault we hijacked her thread. I started it by asking how you were. SORRY AGAIN SNEEZY.
I agree that all people will have their “turn” in having serious trouble. It’s all in how you handle it. But who’s really prepared for that? It’s not all your fault.
Thank you too, causeway. Hope you can get some sleep. Night. :]
No, court is a probability, by no means a certainty. With a bit of luck (and your and my prayers) it won’t come to any of that.
Yes, it’s just stuff. If I can use it to stay alive, I will.
Take care.
Wow! You guys are chatty! No worries about hijacking the thread. I guess deep down I still would like to have it all – family, friends, career, love, etc. I’m not a Pollyanna, but it just seems that so many people do have it all (i.e., jackoff Rupert Murdoch). I don’t get why some people have it all and others don’t have anything. I know no one ever said that life was fair but it seems particularly badly balanced.
@Sherlock, sorry – but I only read about 3 or 4 lines of your response and then lost interest. I’m sure you probably have a POV that might be interesting but next time maybe shorten the response. I barely have enough concentration to watch TV, let alone reading something so deep.
I’m glad you’re not mad about the hijacking. I was like, oh no, she’s gonna hate me! Haha
You said it, sister. I don’t want to sound whiny, but it’s truly not fair. Especially that scumbag Murdoch. Not to mention the assholes that caused the financial crisis. Did they get punished? Nope. They got paid. Thanks for everything. Really, it’s been a pleasure. Their punishment should be to experience everything that we’re going through.
Are you from the US? Sometimes you can’t tell on here. I ask because I read in the paper the other day that 1 out of 2 Americans identify as low income otherwise known as piss poor. Half! That’s insane.
So far I’ve collected two songs and one book suggestion off of this site. Thank you all! *scampers*
Seriously though, i hope it works out for you all.