11:11 (Read If Stuck and/or Depressed)

I often see it. They say it’s supposed to be magical, make a wish. I keep wishing, yet nothing changes. I gave up hope long ago, not to mention I despise that word. A word tossed around by fools to reassure themselves everything will be okay. Nothing ever changes. I’m not too fond of people, I actually hate people really. It’s a cruel world with cruel intentions. There is more bad than good, but, then again, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Society is the biggest pile of shit to ever exist. I don’t know what’s worse, the government or society itself. You can go ahead and put the corporate America bastards up there as well. Anyway, people are so, so, everything and anything. Idk, I always thought I could make a difference… Can one man really make a difference? The question is often asked, yet rarely answered. Memories, are just the fossils of life. They’re burdens, curses. Cursed, for you can’t choose what you want to remember and what you don’t. I mean it’s possible, but very limited. When we die we just forget everything right? I feel like I’m just watching my life flash before my eyes day by day, night by night, as it passes me by. As if I’m already dying somewhere and I’m just watching my screenplay in live action. I keep a journal, but for some reason, posting a blog on an anonymous website for your issues seems more comforting sometimes. Maybe because sometimes, we just want to be heard. We just want someone to listen. It’s nice to know that there are others, not that anyone should have to endure any type of pain. I think I get why some people cut now. I’ve always realized that emotional pain and mental pain is worse than physical pain. But, what’s the point? Why suffer both types when one doesn’t ever go away permanently? Maybe we’re all our own worst enemy after all. I think, other than seeing who gets into Heaven or Hell, life is about coming to terms with who you are and accepting it. In the end, we can’t change who we are whether we want to or not. Even if we go decades with some type of change, we’ll revert back to our natural ways. We don’t finalize until we’re young to mid aged adults. However, we’re like animals, we have natural instincts, and no matter what, instincts can’t be contained. I guess I’m saying life is about overcoming the obstacles, pushing us passed our limits. Some tough it out, others submit. But, life isn’t fair, who survives and makes it through, isn’t a matter of who’s strong and who’s weak. It depends on numerous factors. Besides, we all die, we all share that fate. Maybe we’re supposed to enjoy the time we have here while we’re here. The reason people like us suffer is because society and the government are taking shit away from us. Our freedom, we need to fight back. We give in because we feel like there isn’t anything we can do and we’ve tried our best. But have we really? I never thought in a million years I’d break, and want to quit. I mean, at least not in this way. But, split personality has a huge and an uncontrollable impact on your decision making. But everyone has a breakdown at least once in their life. No matter how tough they are… This is the hardest milestone that I have ever fuckin encountered in my life. If I think about it too much, I just want to crush, demolish, and break everything in my way in a fit of rage. But, just remember, giving up is easy. Ever hear that expression, “If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.” However, living is easy and so is quitting. But, people like us, don’t live or die, we just survive. Surviving, that’s hell. That’s when we don’t want to go on, but we can’t bring ourselves to quit. Life sucks dick, and this shitty society created “rules” to live by. Freedom my ass… So, what’s in store for us? That’s up to our fate… Just know if you quit, you’re not weak. Whether you’re weak or not, it don’t matter, it’s what your fate held. Fate….it’s real. When you don’t know what to do, follow your instincts. If they’re wrong, then it wasn’t meant to be. We all get fucked. Fight until you can’t anymore. Know that you’re not fighting alone. My spirit is with you. People like us, it’s too often we don’t belong…