This world is not for me. I can not live for myself any longer… I simply can’t function.. I taste nothing, feel nothing.. even the love I once had is no more… but yet… I wouldn’t have it any other way… I don’t wish to feel, to taste, to live. My heart that was broken seems no more, it has cost me the hold and control of myself I so desperately need. I must live independently… but it is hardly possible… how much further can i fall? How much more will I take? I still hide with fake emotions.. trying.. for what? The help I’ve tried has done nothing… my life is monotonous, yet my mind is still quite clear.. I have contemplated for to long… I have exhausted almost every option available to me. I do not know what more I can do. I seem to be self sabotaging… not caring for myself and hardly of others… I used to be able to live for others… but I simply do not care nor love anyone… and is that really any way to live? I have once lived, I have loved, I have experienced.. but there the light that was once there… has been snuffed out… Unable to be lit, of my own doing I am sure. This human race that contains such vile filth… that continues its downward spiral in to the abyss, deserves nothing more. The good is forgotten, the pain is remembered and the end, is certain. I am not afraid, of death, of pain. Deaths everlasting embrace is always approaching me, as it is to us all. My thoughts are sound, my mind, primed for my demise. This’ll come in anon.. but the time I have given seems absurd and impractical to my mind… but alas… i wait.. for that insignificant day…
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4 comments
You have the same thoughts as most people on this earth have but I will tell you that depressing thoughts can change quickly..you have to make yourself happy..it is very hard to do..I cry everyday but I fight hard, work to get my mind off of things..I know I’m not the most attractive person out there but I’m sure not the ugliest so keep your head held high & realize there is another day..& someday you will realize that your heart is all that matters..stop thinking silly thoughts..be happy! 🙂
I do not want to be happy though. I really couldn’t care less about happiness. I spend 15hours in my studies work/ workout everyday. Every day that passes only makes it worse. My heart has no choice in the matter, it has lost any chance of being a such. I have only my thoughts, I must have everything perfect and logical, everything must be a informed decision. I simply can not be happy. I have tried for so long…. It can not get better because i will not allow it to be so..
Have you tried being nice to anyone else?..just some random acts of kindness can really pull you out of all that..I realize you might have tried & you were let down..probably lots of times..maybe even throw those studies down on the floor & say screw it for at least a little while..you have one life..maybe you should get out and find what it is that you really like to do..life is not perfect..life is what you make it..
“This world is not for me.”
Just about sums it up for me too. In every sense – not for me in that it’s against me, not for me in that I can’t take ownership of it, as I’m told to.
My apartness from my fellow human beings is often mistakenly taken as aloofness, or other things. My heart is misconstrued as a scar. Worst of all, my good intentions have to work through worldly mechanisms which corrupt them, so the good in them is lost and only the spin the world has put upon them remains. The curruption of the body begins after death – but the corruption of the soul begins after birth. They’ve done for me.
Fuck it.