I have finally figured out why I felt the way I did for so long. Why I was always depressed, why I considered taking my life so many times that I completely lost the fear of it, why I was in so much pain for the longest part of my teen years.
It is with mixed emotions that I can say I know what happened to me that made my life so miserable. It is very painful to know that today I can do nothing to help myself, for what happened in the past cannot be fixed or amended.
All I can say is that when I do commit suicide (and it won’t be too long) it will be with a smile on my face and not on the basis of desperation and sheer agony. Life has beat me, and I will shake it’s hand, look into it’s eyes and smile the most sincere smile I have given in years.
Just a bit longer. Life is finally going as planned. I will leave this world, but not in shame like I almost did last year. This time it will be in glory.
Cheers to all. I hope you understand your feelings before you decide to end it, so you can sleep in comfort.
2 comments
I’m glad you figured it out.
Wish you find whatever you seeks in afterlife.
They say its good to have a past, for whatever makes you hurt..makes you stronger. I understand though what you mean. You can walk out in public with maybe a smile on your face but when your alone its another story and deep inside it never goes away. I’m happy you’ve let go of most of your past and that you wont be feeling like you did last year.