Best friends.

I just lost my best friend. How do i feel? Well, it didn’t hit me until i screamed i fucking hate you as i slammed the door and started to walk to my house. That was my person. The person who would listen to me cry all night about a boy and try to help me. The person who defended me when she didn’t have to. I just hurt that person. So bad, i could see the water start to feel her eyes when i told her she never gave a damn about anyone but herself.  She doesn’t cry too much, that’s how i knew i hurt her really bad. We kept screaming and screaming and words were coming out that i wasn’t even thinking through. How could i do that? She was my best friend. Literally, my other half. Everything she was, was something i wish I could be. She was my role model. Yes, if you are wondering there is an age difference. She is 19 and i am 14. I know that may seem like a huge difference or weird, but we’ve known each other our whole lives and just became friends last year and we got so close. I just lost that person. I just lost the one person who can read me like a book, see tears in my eyes before they’re even there, understand my flaws and accept them. I just lost my best friend. What to do? I have no idea. She was the only person who could actually say she gets me, cause she is the only person who does. We fight a bunch, but this one has went too far. I said a bunch of things. A bunch of things. And i can’t take them back. What a ***** i seemed. Why did i lash out on the person who is literally the only reason i’m living. I can’t live without her, she can’t live without me. We have guys and boyfriends and it can be true love. But my best friend is my best friend. And i don’t know what I’m gonna do without her.